Is this for real?
by goldfishpenn
Summary: Serena wakes up from Hospital, she's in it for a big surprise. She's about to find out just how much her life has changed? can she balance her life now with Amnesia? Dan and Serena centric but there's NS, DB and CarJen
1. Chapter 1

**Is This For Real?**

_How long have I been here?_

_Oww, my head_

_What happened last night?_

For a moment, Serena lay completely still on the bed; her head was pounding, her throat was parched, her skin felt like sandpaper and her whole body ached. It was almost impossible for her to move.

The dim light in the room made her uncomfortable in the strange surroundings. Looking around, she wondered if she was in a hospital or a spa. On first glance, she would have guessed spa but as she became accustomed to the light, she realised there were too many buttons for it to be a spa. She pressed the closest button she could reach, just to see what would happen.

"Hello, Serena." A grey haired woman, dressed in a dark blue nurse's uniform bustled into the room shortly after. "I'm Roxy. How are you feeling?"

"My head hurts." She didn't mean to moan, but it came out like that.

"That's completely normal after an accident, especially after one as tragic as yours."

Tragic? Accident? She was having trouble digesting what the nurse was telling her as she moved around the room. What had happened last night? She could remember going out to Bar Mad with Blair, Olivia and Vanessa; Dan was _supposed _to be with them, but he was running late.

"Excuse me, do you have my handbag?" Serena asked, noticing that it wasn't with her in the room. Roxy nodded and disappeared to retrieve it. She needed to call Dan, why wasn't here with her?

"This isn't my bag." Serena announced when Roxy re-entered.

"This is what you came in with." The nurse smiled kindly. "But we can check the ID." Her hand slid into the Burberry bag, extracting a small identical wallet. "See, Serena van der Woodsen." She showed Serena her driver's licence. "It's definitely yours."

"Okay." Serena accepted the designer bag as her own, maybe she had brought it and somehow forgot about it.

"Oh, and this is yours too." Roxy handed over a ring.

"I'm not married." Serena protested, this was getting to be too much. "I'm not even engaged!"

"Honey, take it. It's yours; I remember taking it off myself." She smiled. "You're definitely either married or engaged to be."

Serena smiled, unsure at what else to do. There was definitely something strange about this, Roxy had to be playing some sort of game on her; one of her friends must have put her up to it. Not only did the handbag still look glossy and completely new, but the room she was in was too high-tech for a hospital.

"Dan, it's me Serena. Listen, I'm in the hospital. I can't explain, but can you _please _come and get me." She dialled Dan's number from memory and left the short message while Roxy glared at her for doing something wrong.

"You can't use that it in here." She warned. "Doctor Edward is going to come and talk to you about everything okay. Help you understand what's going on."

Roxy had barely left the room when the aforementioned doctor entered. "Hello Serena, we're just going to go through a couple of questions." He smiled gently, taking a seat next to her. "Can you tell me your full name?"

"Serena van der Woodsen." That was easy.

"Well done. Can you remember anything about your accident?"

"The last thing I remember," Serena paused to think for a second. "Was trying to find a cab in the Theatre District; I was drunk, and I was with by best friend Blair."

"Are you sure Serena?" He sounded like a teacher, testing her. "When you arrived it was noted that you had been driving an Audi TT."

"That can't be me." Serena laughed a little, and Roxy re-entered the room. "Dan would be furious if I drove drunk. Dan's my boyfriend." She explained.

The doctor nodded, noting something on his pad. "Moving along, can you tell me what year it is Serena?"

"2007." Serena answered; another easy answer.

Only this time, the room went quiet. The doctor turned back to look at Roxy and they whispered something to each other.

"What's wrong?" Serena asked.

"Serena," Roxy the nurse took her hand gently. "Today is April 29, 2010."

Serena had the sudden urge to vomit. "What?"

"Don't worry." The doctor smiled, "Just a little memory loss, has to be expected with a knock on the head like you got. It will come back." He promised. "You're just lucky to be alive."

Serena looked up at the door, where someone had just entered; her mother. "Mom. Tell them it's 2007." But just from the look on her mother's face, she realised that it _was _2010.

"Serena, you're awake." Lily looked up from the book she was reading to smile at her daughter, who had drifted off to sleep after the nurse had given her a sedative. It had been an hour.

"Is it really 2010?" She still couldn't get over that information. "Where is everyone? Where's Blair?"

"Darling." Lily crossed to the bed, to give her a hug. "You don't need to worry about that. You should just be worrying about recovering."

"No mom!" Serena was getting agitated. "Where's Dan? Where's Blair?"

"Don't ask about Dan." Lily tried to calm Serena down. "Your fiancé won't appreciate that."

"Fiancé?" Serena's voice dropped to a whisper. "Who's my fiancé?"

"Oh baby," Lily choked up. "I know the doctor said it was going to be bad, but I didn't realise it would be this bad." A couple of tears rolled down her face.

Serena's heart dropped. It was obvious that Dan wasn't her fiancé. Why wasn't her mother talking about Blair either?

"Who's my fiancé?" Serena repeated.

"He's on his way. He got caught up with work, but he'll be here as fast as possible."

"Mom." Serena shouted, she had to to get her mom to stop babbling.

"It's Nate sweetheart."

"Nate?" _Nate? _She mentally repeated the name a couple of times. "I'm engaged to Nate? But he cheated on me."

"He changed." Lily smiled, taking her seat again.

"No." Serena shook her head, she wouldn't accept this. "I'm with Dan."

"Serena, you and Nate have been together for two years." Serena's younger brother Eric entered the room.

_Two years? _Serena couldn't say anything. Nate had repeatedly cheated on her, until she had finally left him and committed to Dan. She looked again at Eric, he looked different; older, better looking.

"Do you remember me?" He asked carefully.

"Of course I do." Serena laughed. "Mom, can I talk to Eric alone?" Lily left her two children while she went to go find some proper coffee.

"You have to tell me everything, E." Serena insisted, sitting up in her bed.

"Are you seriously not pretending?" It was the only thing Eric could respond with. "Because I can't tell with you anymore."

"Yes, how much have you changed?" Serena asked; she couldn't tell how much her brother had internally changed.

"I'm still gay, if that's what you're asking." Eric answered bluntly. "Something's haven't changed that much."

"Am I still friends with Blair?" Eric shook his head. "Dan?" She asked weakly, not wanting to know the answer. Eric shook his head again.

"How am I not friends with _Blair_?"

Dan shrugged his shoulders, "You only ever told me about Dan."

"Did he cheat on me?" She was slightly excited to learn about how much her life had changed.

"No, you just moved on."

It was crazy, Eric noted out loud. That the last thing Serena remembered was being with Dan and being friends with Blair. "It's been three years since you last heard from them." Eric said seriously, with a straight and sad face.

"Eric, you have to help me." Serena begged, she needed to know how she had gone from her life to being engaged to Nate and driving an Audi TT.


	2. Chapter 2

It has been two days since Serena wakes up to 2010, the year that according to a lot of her family bring luck to her but she can't accept it. She still want to be in 2007, to be 24 again but no, she can't do that. It's 2010 and she's 27 and happily engaged to Nate. Happily engaged? Well, he didn't even visit her once.

"Is there any food here? I'm starving" Eric ask Serena, he is still the same Eric that Serena can remember and the only thing that's different is that he is taller and his face looks older than he use too. 3 years really change people a lot.

"Mum is getting me some food, you can share with me later if you want?"

"Great!" he sits down in a chair and swings his legs over the arm, displaying his new Burberry sneakers "so you don't remember anything anymore for the past 3 years? That's so cool."

"That's not cool," Serena retort. "It's horrible. I remember up to just up until Thursday night, when I was out dinner with Blair, Olivia and Vanessa... and then it goes fuzzy. I don't remember my first few days in hospital, either. It's like I woke up the first time last night"

"So you don't remember that I visited you before?"

"No, all I remember is you being all happy being out of school, now you're almost done with college!"

"Wow!"

"Like a big black hole. Apparently I am engaged to Nate? She laugh nervously "I had no idea! Was I drunk or I was pregnant and the engagement is just a cover up?"

"Yeah?"

"To what?"

"Do I always have to do the dirty work for you S? But you odd to know anyway"

"Know what?" Serena is getting nervous.

For a moment Eric seems to debate himself, then he got up "wait here". He disappears for a few moments. Then the door opens again and he reappears, clutching a baby boy about a year old. He's wearing overalls and holding a beaker of juice, and he give Serena a sunny smile.

"This is Darren" he says, his expression softening, "this is your son."

Serena stare at them both, frozen with terror. What's he talking about?

"I guess you don't remember?" Eric strokes his hair fondly "you love him with all of your heart, everytime you and Nate fight. He is what you always look after"

Serena feel cold to her guys. She can't be a mum. She's not even ready to be a mum yet.

"Say hello to your child, Serena" he carts him over to Serena "he calls you Mummy, or moo-mah by the way"

"Hi Darren," Serena say at last "It's... It's Moo-mah, come to Moo-mah"

Serena look up to see Eric's lips trembling strangely, suddenly he gives a snort of laughter and claps his hand and cover his mouth "sorry"

"Eric! What's going on? She stare at him, suspicion dawning "is this really my son"

"I saw him in the corridor before," he splutters. "I couldn't resists it, your face!" he's in paroxysms of laughing at her "come to moo-mah!"

"You little!"

"I need to give him back to his real moo-mah" he says mocking Serena's tone.

She collapse on her pillows in relief, her heart pounding and thank goodness she don't have a child. She can't have a child. She's not ready.

And she cannot get over Eric. He used to be so sweet and innocent. He used to watch Glee and Friends over and over again with a pint of ben & jerry. What's happening to him?

"I nearly had a heart attack." She say reproachfully as he comes back in, holding a can of Coke zero "If I died, it would be your fault"

"Well, you need to get savvy" he retorts with an unrepentant grin. "people could feed toy all kinds of bullshit" he says looking down "do you really got an amnesia or are you just making it up? I won't tell!"

"What? Why would I make it up?" she retort this time "you said, you're going to help me. This is not helping me Eric?"

"At least, you can come back home today and your car is ready at home"

Again about the car, all she know is that she don't have a license to drive and where is Nate? Isn't he supposed to see her in the hospital "where's Nate?"

"Nate is in Paris you dumb head? He got this deal that he have to do for his business?"

"Well, I guess since I am his fiancé he should at least give me a call?"

"That's Nate for you, you love him anyway"

**Serena and Nate's Apartment**

She can't speak. All she can do is to gaze up at the huge photo of them on the wall, a bubble of disbelief rising inside of her. This man is seriously good looking. Like, Armani model good looking. He is more mature and better looking than the last time she saw him. He has a medium straight brown hair and his jaw is not as sharp as before but he is still hot.

How did she land herself with Nate again? She wonder, maybe he is so rich and successful now. She's alone at home. Eric and her mum need to go for a Gala dinner and Serena is not invited, maybe because they all know that she is supposed to be in the hospital.

Her new car is parked in a place at the front of the building, which according to the porter is my own private spot. It's a silver Audi TT, which I can tell from the badge-thing on the front and it's a convertible. Apart from that, she couldn't tell much about it. She's never been a car person, every time she ever talk about cars is when she was with Dan and "Audi is Dan's favourite car brand" she said to her self.

She went out to check the interior of the car. With an instinctive gesture she gold out the key fob and press the little button, then jump as the car bleeps and all the lights flash on.

She made a decision to see if she can actually drive, she start the car and drive away. "Wow, I can drive" she says proudly.

30 minutes into driving, she get use to it by now. She wonder where is she going, it seems like she is familiar with the road but she didn't care. She do love driving now.

Oh god, Oh god! She face is hot, her hand are sweating. She never should have gotten into the car. "Stop!" she cry "Please!"

A sudden panic, she don't know where she is. She can see Empire State Building from here which is across the bridge.

Suddenly she notice a dark haired man in jeans coming out of his town house. He sees her gliding forward toward the sports car and his whole face jolts.

"Stop!" he yells, his voice seems so concerned and panic as she is now.

"I can't stop!" she yell back desperately.

"Steer!" he mimes steering.

The steering wheel. Of course. Serena said as if she is a moron. She wrench it around to the left, nearly dragging her arms out of it sockets, and manage to turn the car off course. Only now she is heading straight towards his garage porch.

"Brake!" the guy is running alongside me "Brake Serena!"

"But, I don't"

"For god's sake, brake Serena!" he yells.

The hand brake, she suddenly remember. Quick. She yanked it with her hand and the car stops with a judder. The engine is still running but at least the car is stationary.

"Are you okay?" the guy is at her window now. He smells so familiar.

"I'm sorry!" she gulp.

She look up to see the guy just staring at me as if she's talking in a foreign language. He got a very familiar smell, pretty striking face now that she come to notice. High cheekbones, light brown eyes and slanted eyebrows gathered in a frown, with a dark brown curly hair, He's wearing a plain gray v neck t-shirt and jeans. He seems like he is 27 years old, which by now is what Serena is too.

He seems totally dumbfounded. Which she guess is not surprising, he ask permission to drive her back to where she is and Serena nodded.

"I was in a car crash a few days ago, apparently" Serena explained hurriedly "I really hit my head badly, look!" she pointed to the remaining cuts on her face.

"I know you were in a car crash" he says at last. He has a very deep voice, dry and kind of intense. As though every word he speaks, really matters "I heard about it"

"Wait a minute" she click her tongue, suddenly realizing "you didn't ask for my address? And you call me out by my name? Do we know each other?"

A jolt of shock passes over the guy's face. She can see his eyes studying her almost as though he doesn't believe her.

"You don't remember me?" he says at last.

"Um, no" she say with an apologetic shrug."I'm sorry, I'm not being rude, I don't remember anyone I've met in the last three years. My friend, my fiancé even. He was a total stranger to me! My own fiancé, can you believe it? I have amnesia and it's bad."

She smile but the guy doesn't. He keep on driving with no words.

"I should give you the car here, you can drive straight only two blocks away from your town house" he says.

"Thank you so much" I say getting out. "This is my brand new car and if I crashed it my fiancé will kill me" she say "do you know him? Nate Archibald"

"Yes," he says after a long pause "I know him" he got off the car and trying to fix everything so Serena would be comfortable driving.

She waited for the guy to say "it's no trouble or no problem" but he seems lost in the thought.

"What did they say about your amnesia?" he says, suddenly looking at her eyes "have your memories gone forever?"

"They might come back anytime" she explain. "Or they might not. No one knows. I'm just trying to learn about my life again. Nate and everyone has been really helpful and teaching me all about our life"

There's no response at all from the dark haired guy. He's shoved his hands in his pockets and is staring up in the sky. Serena really don't get it with him, what is his problem.

"I have to go" he says.

"Oh right, well thanks again" she says politely "and very nice to meet you. I mean, I know we've met before in my previous life, but... you know what I mean!" she hold out a hand to shake his, but he just looks at it as though it makes no sense to him at all.

"Bye Serena!" he turns on his heels.

"Bye... wait..." I call after him, wanting to know his name but it's too late. He already put his headphone on his ears. What a weird guy. He never even told her his name.

* * *

Hi readers,

Okay, is this getting weird? because if it is, u can tell me. I am planning to write this more and more now if there's readers and reviews for this. So please review. The more reviews I get, the faster I update.

N**extweek : Serena will head back to work? Can she survive seeing Blair? And seeing Nate being all fiance like?**


	3. Chapter 3

Serena slept well last night, she really needs this time to think. She can smell something is cooking in the kitchen. She got up and put on her rope, peaking from the room to see if someone is there and to her shockness. It's Nate!

He look so much different. He don't have the man bang anymore. The photo on the wall is nothing compared to this! He's gorgeous. He is extremely good looking.

How did she land this guy? How? How? How?

"Hi?" he says and his voice is all deep and rounded like an actor.

"Hi!" she managed breathlessly.

"I didn't wake you up, right?" Nate asked nervously.

"No!" Serena says looking at his huge chest, he must work out every day and look at his polished shoes, and his designers watch "you look so different than what I remember!" she says smiling awkwardly.

"you really don't remember anything?" he ask smiling but Serena shakes her head "the doctor says you're not going to remember, but I didn't know it's going to be this bad?"

"I'm sorry"

"We'll take it slow, three years... everyone change you know?" Nate says, ignoring his cell

phone that's beeping "Let's have breakfast and tell me what you're going to do today?"

"I think I should go to work? I check my blackberry for the first time and it's crazy!"

"That's great darling"

"Is there anything I should know regarding the office?" She ask.

"Maybe, you're the boss!" Nate teases Serena but she gave him a eyebrow raise "you're working with Blair!"

"Seriously?!" Serena literally jumped from her chair "are we partners in the company?"

"Actually, you haven't talk about her for 3 years so I don't know anything about it at all"

"Really?"

"Well, you should get ready if you want to go to the office?" he says walking closer to her "but it's me, your fiancé!" he says firmly, resonant tones "we've been together for two years now and we love each other" he says with an awkward smile "and that you got to always remember!"

She's too mesmerized to reply. He's even better looking up close. His skin is really smooth and soft, even softer than her own skin, and his teeth are perfect gleaming white.

Oh my god, I had sex with this man shoots though her mind. He's seen her naked. He's ripped her underwear off. They have done who knows what together and she don't even remember him being all lovey dovey. At least, she assumed they had sex. They're staying together, of course they had sex.

She wonder what Nate's like in bed. Surreptitiously she run her eyes over his body. Well, she's living with him. He must be pretty good, surely!

"Is something on your mind?" he ask as he noticed Serena wandering looking at his body "if you have any more questions regarding us, ask away?" he says placing his fingers on her hair, brushing some strain from her face.

"Nothing" she flush "nothing, sorry" she says as she take a step back "nothing" again she says it.

"You sure? I see you were checking me out?" he says taking a step forward.

"No!" Serena cut him off "I have to get ready Nate!" she says as she pushes Nate aside "I'm sorry!" she says and close the bathroom door. She sat on the floor for awhile and trying to breathe. Nate is hot, he look so much better than the way she remembers him and she is excited to get to know him but now, all she can think about is to see Blair. She can't change that much. She's Blair. She put on a hot bath and a timer, she need to think.

"Everything is going to be alright!" she says to herself as she steps in to the Jacuzzi bathtub.

* * *

Serena took the cab to go to her office, she's not risking her life again by driving in the city. Nate left her a note on the bed saying that tonight, there's going to be a party. A party for her homecoming and she wonders what happen to him? He's so sweet and charming, and so good looking. She's lucky, she keep on telling herself that. She still want to see Dan but since everyone change, Dan should too. Her heart pounds faster to the thoughts of Dan changing. 3 years? Oh my god! 3 years! She's with Nate and Eric did say it is her fault.

"He must hate me!" she said to herself over again over again but she change her mind "I have hot and a good looking fiancé Nate, Dan might be fat and ugly by now" she smile but that doesn't make it go away "ok, that's too much!" even she knows it.

Blair is one of the most straight forward people Serena has ever known. They met at the age of six, when she was the new girl in the school playground. She was already the head taller than Serena, she is also the leader of the pack. Her dark hair is bunches, her voice booming and confident. That's Blair. She can upset people with her bluntness and she knows it. When she say the wrong thing, she will roll her eyes and make everything seem like it's not her fault.

It was also Blair that help Serena through her college years. She owes so much to her and Serena is ecstatic that now she discovered about them working together. She enter her office like a pro, pretending like she remembers everything, like her amnesia is a secret.

"Hi" she says to the receptionist but she just smile to Serena back "how are you?" she ask.

"Goo... good Ms Van Der Woodsen "she reply.

"Do you know if Blair is in?"

"Everyone should be in before you" she reply again, her tone seem to be very scared and frightened by Serena.

"Ok, great. Can you call her for me" she says, taking a step forward to her office "oh, there you go. You can have this. I bought extra" she smile and again the receptionist just smile.

Ok, from the moment she step into the building people just smile at her, in the elevator three girls would actually step out of it and leave her all alone and her receptionist keep on smiling at her. What's going on? She look around as she walk through the department floor, everyone seem to be doing their work. Very hard working, that's good she said to herself. She enter the glass door that says her name.

**SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN**

**Marketing and Public Relation Director**

"Marketing and Public Relation director?" she laugh looking at the glass window, the last time she remember is that she's studying marketing and Blair is studying Public Relation. Now she is running the whole department. She enter her office room and the view is excellent, can see the Empire State Building clearly from her desk. On her desk is a photo of Nate and herself, looking pretty as a party. No wonder, they got together with each other? They look so good together, she smile and it faded as she heard a knock on her door and she sit straight away. Trying to look professional.

"Take a sit" she says trying to figure out who is this girl "do you have anything for me?" she ask again trying not to laugh, she sound so serious and professional but the girl just doesn't seem amuse by it.

"You wanted to see me?" she says seriously "did I do anything wrong?"

"Wrong? No!"

"Okay, but why am I here?" she ask again looking more confused.

"You tell me?" Serena says trying not to laugh and pretend like she did try to talk to this girl.

"Look S, I don't have time!" she says getting irritated by this situation and she look at Serena looking shock "what?"

"B...B...Blair?" finally realizing that she's been talking to Blair all along.

"Duh!"

"Oh my god, B!" she says, with full of excitement. Blair looks so different than the last three years. She has super toned arms and tanned, her hair is not brunette anymore brown and she's wearing glasses. She looks amazing "how are you? Look at you!" she says.

"I'm fine!" Blair says and he nod without looking at Serena "Um, yeah thanks"

"Anyway..." she force herself to sound more composed but her heart is full of excitement but why is she being so off with her? What's wrong? Coldness clenches Serena around her chest. Maybe that's why she never reply all her texts all this while when she wakes up from her coma and amnesia. IS that why Dan didn't reply her too? Because he is on her side?

This is so weird. Blair seem to be not interesting in talking to her. She just got off the hospital and she really need her best friend right now. "Do you want to go to lunch?" she ask but Blair look surprised "it should be fun!" she smile.

"Yeah, great?!" again with that tone.

"Ok, knock on my door at 1, we can go to lunch together?" she smile and Blair smile and off to her desk.

She try not to think about it as much, she need to do some work or at least understand how she runs her department. She look at the clock, she have two hours before lunch.

_**2 hours later...**_

"I was wondering if you need something?" Amanda, Serena's assistant ask "before I head off to lunch."

"Oh, no it's okay thanks. I'm meeting Blair late for lunch" she says.

"She left 5 minutes ago..." she says "maybe if you catch up, you can at the elevator"

"Right!" she got off and take her Burberry handbag from her chair and off she goes to find Blair before she trail off to lunch. Maybe she forgot about their lunch plan together.

Blair definitely not anywhere near the elevator, she also search the lobby and finally see Blair walking out to the street. "Wait!" she cry out, breaking into a run "I'm here!" she know that Blair heard her, she know it but she chose to ignore.

Thoughts are spinning wildly around her head. Why is she being strange around her and now she's ignoring her like they're not friends anymore. "B wait!" she cry out almost desperately "Hi!"

"Hi" Blair gives a tiny snort.

"I thought we were going to have lunch together?" Serena ask panting "I told you to knock on my door?"

There's silence. We both trying not to look into each other's eyes. There's tension, no doubt about it. Serena know it by far to fight with Blair is like, fighting with her own brother. Useless.

"What's going on B?" she try to sound relaxed, but her heart is throbbing of hurt "why didn't you knock on my door? Why didn't you reply all my messages? What is wrong with us?"

Blair didn't answer "B, please!" Serena attempt a smile "please, you have to let me know. I have amnesia. I don't remember. Did we have a... a...a fight or something?"

"No!" she shrugs.

"Well, I don't understand it" She look around and look back again at Blair "the last time I remember, is when I was with you, Olivia and Vanessa having fun!"

Blair exhales sharply and raises her eyebrows "that was a long time ago."

"So what happened since?"

"Look!" Blair sighs "Let's just leave it okay, you've had this accident, you're ill, I don't want to upset you even more."

"What?"

"Serena, nothing happened" Blair sounds awkward "we don't really hang out anymore with you, we're not mates. Vanessa is in Korea and Olivia is in LA, we don't keep in contact with you anymore!"

"But why not?" her heart is thudding but she still want to know "Is it because I'm the Director now?" she says "I'm still the same old Serena"

"You're a bitch boss from hell" Blair cut her off and Serena freezes looking more shock than ever, as Serena didn't say a word, Blair continues "you're a snotty cow!"

"I... I don't understand" she stammers at last "I'm a good boss!"

"Of course you are!" Blair rolls her eyes.

"Look I never... that's not who I am"

"Yeah, whatever!" Blair cut her off once again "look Serena, you asked" she rolling her eyes again "that's why we don't hang out anymore. I do my thing and you do yours."

"I can't be a bitch Blair" she managed at last "I'm your best friend."

"We're not friends!" she says irritated "look, you can come with me if you want for lunch. I'm meeting..." she wanted to say something "doesn't matter, you don't remember anyway."

"Meeting who?"

"Dan's girlfriend" she finally says it "if you want."

"No," Serena says "it's okay, thanks" and with shaky legs she turn and talk a step away "am I in bad terms with Dan too?" she ask as she turn back to look at Blair and she nodded "okay" Serena smile with tears running on her face and she walks away. "Dan has a girlfriend" she mumbles to herself, her heart drop like someone throw a bomb to her. The last time she remembers is that, she was madly in love with him and they were supposed to go on for a weekend gate away in Rome.

* * *

Hi readers,

I will update more if there's more than 6 reviews for this story per chapter. I have so much idea for this and I promise you it's going to get even more wicked and fun in the next few chapters. As I already updated twice this week.

**_A note for all the reviews and questions_**: Everyone changed in the past 3 years. Serena can remember her life before and nothing in the past three years. She can**_ remember the old Dan, not the new Dan_**. So bare in mind, anything that happens in three years is blank to her. Can she fix it? oh, like I said. It is DS centric so there will always have DS. NS too, as he is Serena's fiance. Are they friends? NS is different world than DB now. That you have to read and reviews.

**Next chapter: **

**Will she ever want to see Dan? Or she's settling to try and love Nate? What is she going to do with Blair?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Nate and Serena's townhouse**

Serena is numb with shock. All the way home from the office. Somehow she managed to get some cupcakes from Crumbs bake shop before heading back home. And now it is early evening and she's in the bath. But all the time her thoughts have been circulating around and around.

_I'm a bitch boss from hell. My friends all hate me. I lost Dan the guy that I really am in love with. What the fuck has happened?_

Every time she remember Blair's scratchy voice, she flinch. God knows what she have done to her but Blair has obviously no time for her anymore. She's hanging out with Dan's new girlfriend now.

Have she ever turn to a bitch in the past three years? But how and why?

The water is growing tepid and at last she heave her self out. She rub herself briskly, trying to energize her self. She can't keep on obsessing about it. It's already six and in an hour she have to host a dinner party. She wrapped herself around a fresh towel and pad into the bed room. She pick out a little black dress, some little black underwear and some minuscule black satin shoes. There's nothing in her wardrobe remind her about her past life. No cuddly sweaters, no chunky shoes, no converse and everything's slimline and trailored, to match her.

As she trail back into her bedroom, she let her towel drop onto the floor.

"Hi Serena!"

"Argh!" she jump in fright. The big screen at the base of the bed has lit up with a huge image of Nate's face. She clap my hands over her chest and duck behind a chair.

She's naked and he can see her but they're staying together. She remind herself feverishly. He's seen all of her before.

"Can you see me?" she asks in a high pitched, strangled voice.

"Not right now." He laughs. "Put the setting to camera."

"Oh! Okay!" she says in relief "just give me a sec..." as she sling on a dressing gown, then quickly gathering the clothes she have dropped all around the room. Something she have learned pretty quickly is that Nate doesn't like things lying around on the floor. Or on chairs. Basically any kind of mess at all. She shove them under the duvet as quickly as possible.

"Ready" she head to the screen and swivel the dial to camera.

"Move back" Nate instructs her and she back away from the screen. "Now I can see you! So, I've got one more meeting, then I'll be on my way home. Is everything set up for the dinner?"

"I think so?"

"Excellent!" his huge pixellated mouth spreads in a jerky beam "and how was work?"

"It was great!" somehow she manage a cheerful tone "I saw Blair and she said that I'm a bitch, is that true?"

"Of course you're not a bitch"

"Really?" she feel a pang of hope. "So I'm not a horrible bitch boss from hell?"

"Baby, there's no way you're horrible or a bitch boss from hell"

Nate sounds so sure, she relax in relief. There'll be an explanation. Maybe some miscommunication between herself and Blair.

"I'd say you were... tough" he added.

Her relieved smile freezes from her face. Tough? She don't like the sound tough.

"Do you mean tough in a good way?" she try to sound casual "like, tough, but still really friendly and nice?"

"Darling, you're focused! You're driven. You drive your department hard. You're a great boss!" he smiles "Now, I must go. I'll see you later?"

Then the screen goes dark and she stares at it, totally unpressured. In fact, she's more alarmed than ever. Tough? Is that another way of saying she's a bitch boss from hell.

**Bar Boulud, Upper West Side**

"You're late!" Blair says looking at Dan as if he has made the biggest mistake of his life "and you're alone?"

"Hi baby" Dan smiles looking at his girl friend "this is for you" with a soft kiss on her lips.

"Excuse me?" Blair interrupted them.

"Hi Blair Bear?" Dan playfully saying hi to Blair.

"Jackie and I have been here for almost 2 hours" Blair says pointing at the clock on the wall "but who cares?"

"I have to go later, you know that right?" Jackie said, looking at Dan and he nodded "but I'll see you later for a movie?" she says showing Dan two tickets for The Last Song and with that, she leaves Dan and Blair alone.

"You know that you're lucky to have her?" Blair says while taking another gulp on her champagne "never once she get mad at you and here you are, taking her for granted?"

"I'm not taking her for granted, you know how the traffic is this time around" he says "and I'm starving!" looking at the menu "how's work?" he ask still contemplating on what to get for late lunch.

"Oh! I had a fight with Serena?" she says casually "she's... she's... a bitch!" she smiles and Dan too.

"Well is it about work again? Because you know that she has been on your skin for months about you taking lunch for more than an hour" he says "ahem..." he smiles.

"Shut up!" she knocks Dan's arm "surprisingly it is not about work, it's about our old friendship?"

"Funny Blair" he says not paying too much attention to Blair, he orders his meal and look at Blair again but she was really into something that make him think she's serious "so she talk about your friendship?"

"It's weird!" Blair nodded "she's like her old self again for a minute"

"Well, maybe she is?" Dan says without paying too much attention "who knows. And who cares. Right?" he says again.

"True! Maybe it is just those moments... Serena is Serena" rolling her eyes "she has change so much!"

"Don't remind us about Serena. We haven't been talking or laughing together with her for three years now" he says annoyed.

**Nate and Serena's townhouse, evening**

Serena still is thinking about it. Whatever the truth is, she can't let all this get to her. She has to keep everything in perspective. She has to think to win Blair back as her friend? So she made up her mind to be nice to Blair again. And what about Dan? She don't want to think about him for now.

So maybe things aren't as perfect as she thought. Maybe she've fallen out of friends and maybe in some point in her life, she has lost everything she wants in life but her life now is not that bad. She has a gorgeous fiancé, a wonderful town house , she look around the house! Tonight, the place looks even amazing then ever. Roses is set every where.

Nate said it was a "casual get together" god knows what it will be like if it's formal get together.

"Darling" she jump, and turn to see Nate standing at the door with his business suit "you look amazing"

"Thanks!" she glow with pleasure and pat her hair.

"One tiny thing. Briefcase in the hall. Is not a good idea?" he smiles with an annoying tone of voice.

Shit. She must have left it there. She was so preoccupied when she arrived home, she didn't think.

"I'll move it!" she says hastily "sorry."

"Good!" he nods "what's that?" he pointed at the desserts "is that?" Serena can hear the annoyance in his voice again "cupcakes?"

"Yes!" She sounded so happy. Cupcake is her favourite dessert of all time. She can't bare a day without it, chocolates and cupcakes. Heaven! But when she looks at Nate, he was angry "what's wrong?"

"Baby, our nutritionist set us on a diet with no desserts and no chocolates, remember?" he sounded concern "fruits is all we can eat for desserts" he takes the tray off the table and chuck everything in the trash can.

"It's a party isn't it?" Serena ask, looking confused "cupcakes won't do us wrong?"

"Ridiculous!"

"You're being ridiculous" she regain her composure.

"You think you will get your figure if you eat that much of cupcakes?" he asks smiling sarcastically "common, I need to show you the first comer of our party. Just forget about the cupcakes ok" he lead Serena to the living room.

"Jesus!" Serena says shock "I'm sorry!"

"Serena my darling" he says "you remember me right?" slyly taking Serena's left hand for a shake.

"Of course I do Carter!" she says. Carter doesn't change much only some gray hair here and there but nothing changes. No wonder she can remember him the most. "and who is your lovely girlfriend?"

"Nate told me that you got amnesia, didn't even tell me that you're a looney?" she laugh "Jenny Baizen?" she says and hug Serena "Jenny Humphrey" she whispers and waiting for Serena to say something.

"Now now..." Nate break the two girls a part "you girls can have some time alone for half an hour" and gives Serena a hug and leave the room with Carter.

"Ok, Jenny? You're married to Carter?" Serena ask shock, she have to sit. "Where's the cupcakes when you need it right?" she says nearly faint.

"Drama queen. I've been married for a year!" Jenny explained "and don't you ever say anything sugary in this house Serena, Nate hates it!"

"But why?"

"How do I know, I'm not in love with him. You are?" Jenny says "do you really can't remember anything?" Jenny ask again, looking for an answer from Serena or a nod at least "wow!"

"There's no wow on that, it's a lost actually"

"Well, if you want to know anything. You can always ask me? Because just in case you forget, we're best of friends now!" she says smiling.

"I don't want it to be weird or anything, but do you have a picture of... he's... you know..." Serena lost for words. She doesn't know how to ask Jenny about it but Jenny seem to be taking something out from her purse.

"This?" she says "you want to ask me about him?" and Serena nodded "there, make it fast. I don't want Nate and Carter to see it. "There you go!" and Jenny show it to Serena.

"Oh my god!" that's all Serena can say. She lost for words, she can't say a thing. It's like her body is numb and her tongue is cut by some things that she can't describe. This picture... the guy in the picture... no! It can't be! How can it be? No way? No! She's fighting with herself now.

* * *

Hi readers, as always. I want reviews and thank you for all the comments. I will answer every questions and most of the demand from everyone. Thank you for the support. New week, new chapter. Enjoy. All I'm asking for is reviews. Thank you.

**Readers review reply :**

**Lia **: hi lia, she remembers the old Dan. Old Dan is skinny, his hair is not as curly as now, he is clean shaven and he makes jokes a lot but the guy he "bummed" into unintentionally, is different physically. He is well built, he is not clean shaven, his arms is toned and he is not skinny anymore and not to mention, his hair is longer than the last time he remember "dan" and it is a selective amnesia. Whatever happens in three years of her life, she can't remember. ZERO memory! 2007-2010! She can remember what happen in 2007 before her accident.

**SingYourselfToSleep**: Hi, Dan is not with Blair now. Dan have a girlfriend which I will introduce soon in the upcoming chapter. About Darren? Eric was just playing with Serena's sickness. If you read it again, Eric said he just took the baby from someone outside of Serena's ward room.

**Kreist:** Hi, I am all for Dan and Serena, as you can see from all my fiction but.... There is "A LOT" of Nate and Serena in this fiction as Nate is also the big part of Serena's life now. Don't worry. Nate and Serena have a lot more chapters in this fiction, mostly in all upcoming too.

**Gghearts**: Hang in there.

**Sophie :** like I said early to lia, she remembers the old Daniel Humphrey! Dan has change now.

_And I might make a prologue of this story too later, depends on the demand I get from reviews and how many will it be. It will show what happened last three years before the accident that she remember! And what happened in the hospital when she wakes up and she don't remember. The things that will make the story more clear. Do you like that? Hit me with a review. Let me know. _

**Next: **

**Two events, in one night? Will it turn to fury or it will give her some hope to gain her past for her present?**


	5. PROLOGUE

3 years ago...

Of all the crap, crap, crappy nights she have ever had the whole of her crap life. On a scale of one to ten, she's talking about minus 6 and it's not like she even have a very high standard on life. Rain spatters down her collar as she shift from one blistered foot to the other. She is holding her denim jacket over her head as a makeshift umbrella but it is not exactly waterproof. She just want to find a taxi, get home, kick off those stupid boots and run a nice hot bath. But she's been waiting for 10 minutes for a cab and there's none.

Her toes are agony. She's never buying shoes from Marc Jacobs anymore. She bought these boots last week when she was scouting to buy something for Dan. Dan is in the library, final semester of his University is really kicking him off, same goes with her but she has some time to get some time off with the girls, Blair, Vanessa and Olivia.

Now they're standing together on the corner of some street in Avenue B that she have never been to before, with music pounding faintly from the club below their feet. Olivia's best friend is the promoter there and got them some good cheap shots.

A few feet away is the Columbia girls, a bitch girls that Serena can't help but to wonder why Blair is too eager to get to know them.

"It's raining men!" Serena call back morosely "It's just raining!" she head Vanessa says.

"It's raining men" Blair started singing in the rain, her long brunette hair is all ratty in the rain but she is still bright faced.

Dan Humphrey is all that Serena can think of right now. He called saying that he will be at home around 11 later and she can have fun with the girls, no rush. She loves Dan too much and that is her heaven on earth. She tried living her life without Dan but nothing come to it, she needs Dan. Serena normally loves Karaoke too but she not in a singing mood tonight. She feel all sore inside, like she want to curl up away from everyone else. If only Dan had turned up like he promised and Blair this time is taking his side of the story more than Serena's. Now she feel like a sappy moron.

Anyway, a taxi comes into sight and she immediately stick out her hand but some people ahead flag it down first. Great! She shove her hands in her pockets and miserably scan the rainy road for another yellow cab.

It's not just Dan standing her up that's bothering her, it's her grades in school too. Today was the end of her semester and some grades are up on the college portal. Everyone was given a paper slip after school except for her and they started jumping with excitements because it turns out that everyone is going to Paris for their excellent grades except for Serena. She missed only 2 points to get the credit to go to Paris with everyone. Not that she cannot afford paying and go there by herself, it is because she is mad that it's only 2 points down.

"Are you still sad because of the Paris trip?" Blair asks concerned since Serena is so quiet.

"its fine!" she try to smile.

"You want to go for another drink Serena?" Olivia asks.

"No, I need to get to bed, I've got an early start tomorrow"

"No!" everyone says in unison and now it's getting weird.

"Why wouldn't let me go back, it's not like Dan is at home?" she says looking at her watch.

"Look S, things will turn out good for you, I promise!" Blair says sincerely.

" You think?"

"Uh-huh" she nods, with more energy "you just have to believe it. Come on" Blair is squeezing Serena "let's grab another drink!" she says.

_2 hours later…_

"Hey there's a taxi! Taxiii! She hurry to the edge of the pavement as the cab pulls up and beckon to Olivia and Vanessa, who are screeching out 'Dancing Queen' about 5 notes ahead of Vanessa. Clearly that Olivia can sing better than Vanessa "Hi there" Serena lean though the window to the taxi driver, her hair is dripping down her face "could you possibly take us first to 45th between 1st and 2nd, and then to 515 Park Avenue?"

"Sorry love, no Karaoke" the taxi driver cuts Serena off with a baleful glance at Olivia and Vanessa.

Serena stare at him, confused. "What d'you mean, no karaoke?"

"I'm not having them girls in here, doing me mad with their bloody singing"

He has to be joking, you can't ban people from singing when they're paying you to take them to the destination.

"But"

"My cab, my rules. No drunks, no drugs and no karaoke" before she can reply, he puts the taxi into gear and roars away down the street.

"You can't have a no karaoke rule!" Serena shout after the cab driver in outrage "it's discrimination! It's against the law!"

It trail off helplessly and look around the pavement. Blair has disappeared with Mr Nice guy from the bar and the last thing she reminded Serena is to call her first whenever that thing will happen which Serena just nodded at her, which clearly she is drunk. Now they will never find a cab.

"Taxi!" Serena instantly screams the word, almost immediately when she saw a yellow car passing by. She have to get the cab, she have to. Clutching her denim jacket over her head, she run along the pavement, skidding slightly, yelling till she's hoarse "Taxi! Taxi!" as she reach the corner pavement that is crowded with people and she skirt around them and up the steps to some grand municipal right and left. There's a balustrade platform with steps going right and left and she jump in "Taxi! Taxiiii! Taxxxxxiiiiiii!"

Yes it's pulling up! Thank god! At last, she can get home and run a bath and curl up beside Dan. Now she wonder why Dan didn't even call her and to her consternation she notice a guy in a suit on the pavement below heading towards her cab. "It's ours!" she road and start pelting down the opposite steps. "It's ours!" she hailed that cab! Don't you dare take it "Arrrggghhh!"

Even as her foot skids on the wet step, she is not sure what is happening. Then, as she start falling, her thoughts rush with disbelief. She slipped on her stupid and shiny sole boots. She's tumbling right over down the steps, like a three year old. She scrabble desperately at the stone balustrade, scraping her ski, wrenching her hand, dropping her accessorize bag, grabbing for anything but she can't stop herself.

Oh shit.

The ground's coming straight towards her, there's nothing she can do and this is really really going to hurt.

* * *

_**First day in the hospital… **_

Oww, her head is spinning.

"Serena?" someone is calling her name, she try to open her eyes but it's all blurry. Is that Dan? No it can't be, he looks too old to be Dan "can you hear me?" he ask again and Serena nodded and that's all she can do. Her world is back to darkness again.

_**Second day in the hospital…**_

She can't say a word or even move anything on her body. She can hear two guys talking beside her bed, she want to turn and look at who is with her in the hospital and god, she misses Dan so much that a glimpse of him can make her pain go away but she can't seem to do anything.

"So is she hallucinating doctor?" A person asks with a concern voice "is she going to remember anything?"

"I don't understand…" a woman's voice this time asking but Serena can't connect the voice with anyone. She can't seem to have the brain power to do anything now.

_**Third day in the hospital… **_

"The last thing I remember is I felt down the stairs" Serena says laying down and weak.

"Serena, all of that happened more than three years ago" the nurse says softly "you're remembering the wrong accident"

She can't answer anything anymore, her memory jammed and she is weak after the question and answering with the nurse. She is weak and her memory is foggy at the moment and without any other minutes to lose, she felt asleep.

_**Forth day in the hospital…  
**_

He carries on speaking, but his words are not fixing properly in her brain. As she looks around the room, she can see hazily the hospital staff.

"Serena?" a guy who looks like the doctor of them all is speaking to her and she only catches one word which is her name "do you understand?" he ask and Serena shakes her head as though everything around her is in slow motion.

"You're suffering from what we call retrograde amnesia. It is a condition, which normally arises following head injuries, but it seems that yours might be quite lengthy as we can see from the x-ray" the doctor explained it to her again "do you understand?" he ask and again Serena felt asleep. She don't know what she head from the doctor and she will obviously forget it the next day but she is just too tired to think.

"Will she be okay and you said earlier it's three years of her memory?"

"It's natural, she'll be okay by tomorrow if my calculation is right and we will ask more questions, but seem to me it is three years ?" he says again to someone in the room. Is that Dan? She has to open her eyes again and look at him. She misses him but she fails. She felt asleep, weak and helpless.

* * *

Hi readers,

where's the review? I'm sad. As promise this is the prologue of this episode. I'm already typing the next ep. two occasion and we will have all the characters interacting. I promise! I'll post next chapter when I have the number of reviews that I want. thanks.


	6. Chapter 6

Her life now is her priority. From now on she's going to focus on her relationship with Nate and nothing else. She is still a bit shaken the next morning, as she go to the kitchen for breakfast and take the jug of the green juice out of the fridge. She must have been crazy last night asking for Dan's photo from Jenny. She have a dream fiancé, handed to her on a plate. Why would she ever want to go back to Dan? Why would she ever get jealous if she sees Dan again with another girl, if he has one.

She pour a little green juice into a glass and swirl it around to look like dregs, which is what she do every morning. She can't drink that pond weed stuff but neither she wants to disappoint Nate, who thinks green juice is almost as great as his business. Then she take a boiled egg from the pan and pour herself a cup of tea from the pot that her maid Georgina made earlier. She's really getting into this low-carb diet. She find it hard to believe that she don't eat cupcakes anymore and apparently she has been in low-carb and no chocolate diet since 2 and half years ago. Sometimes when she walks to her office, she will still grab herself a bagel. Nate doesn't know. It's a secret.

As she sit in the kitchen, eating her meal slowly and thinking about everything on her life now. It should not be that bad "sweetheart?" Nate calling her name, walking down from the stairs and into the kitchen "I made this for you?" he says giving Serena a blue box and smile.

"What's this?" she ask while unwrapping the box and hold the small manual, looking more confused as ever but doesn't want to disappoint Nate as he looks like he is in his proud moment. She turn a page and there's a written word.

**Serena Van Der Woodsen and Nate Archibald**

**June 2008**

She open it and her stomach seem to drop a smile. She's staring at a black and white photograph of herself with Nate, looking as happy as a couple somewhere in a restaurant. Wordlessly, she turn to the next page. There's Nate standing next to Carter checking out a new sunglasses. On the following page, herself and Nate holding boxes as it stated moved in together on one of the box. They look so glossy. Like people from the magazine.

"You remember the doctor suggested writing down all the details of our life together?" Nate looks proud "well, I've compiled this booklet for you. Any question you have about your life and ours together, the answer should be in there"

Serena smile and turn to another page and it is an index page, an she run her eyes down the page at random.

Tomatoes- page 23

Things – page 30

Tongues – page 40

Tongues? Immediately she start flipping to page forty. "Don't try to read it now" Nate says gently closes the manual "You need to eat and sleep."

"Thank you so much Nate. That was perfect!"

"It's no trouble Serena! There's a lot to learn." He comes back over to the kitchen and "good luck with work today okay?" he says giving Serena a good bye kiss on her lips and smile.

**Serena's office...**

She've tried. She really have tried. She have done everything she can think of to show Blair and her friends that she is not a bitch. She called them thousands times but of course Blair, Vanessa and Olivia never want to answer. Serena has been going to the office for the past week early to get Blair her favourite coffee from Downtown but of course she didn't say thank you to Seena.

Doesn't matter anymore. She click on the onscreen documents that she's been working on and without meaning to, she give an enormous yawn and lean her head on her desk. She's tired. She mean, she's fucked! Countless paper work, her eyes are red from all the endless reading. She also tired from trying to remember every single thing about her life and no one in her past is making it easy for her. She need to remember. She take out the manual from her briefcase and to her shockness, she automatically open to a page of "foreplaying" she chocked. Nate really wants her to remember everything. She read it with disbelief and close it. She will get back to that when she needed it. She walk out of the office room and her office mates seem to be packing early today.

"What's going on?" she ask her secretary, looking around the office. People seem to be getting ready to go out and have fun together. They seem to have the same attire.

"Oh! We're having a surprise birthday party for Blair up on the roof deck" she says almost not wanting to tell Serena about it. It took her so long to finish the whole sentence.

"Great, I'll be there" she says, although she knows that she is not invited. If she is, she should know about the party a long time ago and although she knows about Blair's birthday today and secretly she brought with her a gift for Blair, she didn't want to tell anyone. Her plan is to put it on top of Blair's table before she leaves later.

"But you're not invited!" a familiar voice says behind Serena, and when she turn around to look at the person, she's shocked to see Vanessa and Olivia. OMG they've changed. Olivia has long blond hair now, she put a bit of a weight and she looks extremely gorgeous with the new hairdo. Vanessa in the other hand, she looks tired, her hair is in a mess and her complexion is not even. Note to self, she wants to get Vanessa a new make-up line from Mac "never was and never will, get it?" Vanessa jump into the sarcasm and they smile.

"But why?" Serena ask, nearly cry.

"Because no one likes you bitch!" a guy scream from god knows which cubical. She can't see any heads now but she knows someone on the floor did and everyone laugh so does Vanessa and Olivia.

"Ditto!" Vanessa and Olivia high five with each other, laughing and smiling. They're having fun making fun of Serena.

Serena can't say anything. She look around the room and her tears start falling down her cheek. She saw Blair coming into the department, looking confused and all Serena can do is smile. She ran into the bathroom before she make a fool of herself more. She walk pass Blair before she sees her cry and when she passed Blair and none of her friends sees her. She breaks down and cry.

_**20 minutes later...**_

"Hi!" a voice pierces her thoughts and she raise her head to see Blair standing just inside the doorway.

"Oh, hi!" she wipe her eyes roughly "sorry, I was just..."

"Are you okay?" she ask awkwardly.

"I'm fine. Fine!" she scrabble the sink to search for more tissue and blow her nose "Can I do anything to you?"

"Sorry about what happened" she bites her lip "We never thought that it would be a complete joke on you?"

"It's okay, it's alright" Serena's voice is shaky.

"Vanessa and Olivia was so mean to me" she sigh walking out from the bathroom and into the pantry in the office. "But I understand, no one likes me here. I am a bitch boss from hell" she tear off a bit of the chocolate chip muffin, stuff it in her mouth and feel immediately better. For a nanosecond and Blair just staring at her.

"I thought you didn't eat carbs anymore?" Olivia says entering the room at last.

"Yeah, right. Like I could live without chocolate," Serena talks another massive bite of her muffin "women need chocolate, it's a scientific fact."

There's silence and Serena look up to see Blair, Olivia and Vanessa still gazing at her uncertainty "It's so strange," Vanessa says "You sound like the old Serena." Olivia added.

"I am the old Serena." Serena feels suddenly weary at having explain herself all over again "Girls, imagine you woke up tomorrow and it was suddenly 2010 and you had to slot into some new life and be some new person. Well, that's what this is like for me." She breaks off another piece of muffin and survey it for a few moments, then put it down again "and I don't recognize the new person. I don't know why she is like she is and it's kind of... it's hard for me."

There's a long silence. She's staring fixedly at the muffin, breathing hard, crumbling the muffin into little pieces. She don't dare to look up anymore, in case they going to say something sarcastic or laughs at me and she will burst into tears.

"I'm sorry Serena!" Blair speaks, her voice is so quiet, Serena barely hear it "I didn't... we didn't realize. I mean, you don't look any different."

"I know." She gives her a rueful smile "I look like a Barbie."

"Look..." Olivia is chewing her lips and twisting her bangles "I'm sorry about what I said earlier... why you don't join us for a dinner?" she comes closer to Serena so eagerly "lets start new, again?" she says with an honest smile.

"That's nice." Serena gives her a grateful smile "I can't today, I have this dinner party at Baizen's townhouse" she says with a smile "you girls want to come with me?" she ask sincerely now "I'm sorry Blair, Vanessa and Olivia... I didn't mean to shut you out. At least, I don't think I did..." it's surreal, apologizing for something she has no memory of. Like she's a werewolf or something.

"Don't worry, it wasn't you. I mean, it was you... but it wasn't you..." Blair trails off. She seems pretty confused too "so you going to see Carter and Jenny?" she ask much more confused than ever.

"Come with me..." Serena ask sincerely "I really want you girls to come with me?" she smiles and three of the nodded.

"Do you think Dan will be there?" Olivia asked and Vanessa knocked her hand as though it is something that Olivia was not supposed to ask.

"I don't know!" Serena smile "maybe not, because Jenny says that she's not close to Dan anymore," she says.

"I can't blame her, you have a different life than the four of us Serena!" Blair says, taking her handbag from her office cubical "let's not talk about Dan here ok, so are we going to crash a party of what? Oh! Dan is out of town today"

**West Village  
**

This is what Serena missed about Blair, she quick witty and smart remake every time. She's amazing and Serena can't believe that Blair, Olivia and Vanessa give her another chance. She adores her best friend. They took the town car to Jenny's town house. It's all the in West Village. There they are, the townhouse is amazing and there's Jenny.

"Hi Jenny, I'm sorry I didn't tell you..." Serena says awkwardly looking at Jenny and looking back at the girls.

"Hi Blair, Olivia and Vanessa!" Jenny greets them like there's no problem at all "I have to tell you something before you enter" Jenny says panic.

"Okay Jenny, what's up?" Serena ask "almost forgot, this is for your new house!" she says handing Jenny with a gift.

"Dan is here!" Jenny says looking at Serena for a reaction "okay, you're pretty hard to tell right now?" Jenny searching for a reaction or some kind of signal from Serena but she is just numb.

"Serena?" Olivia take a step forward to her "you sure you ready to see Dan? Do you even remember Dan?" she ask and Serena shakes her head.

"I only remember the old Dan and Jenny showed me a photo of him last night" Serena finally says something.

"And Jacquelyn Pinsky is here with him too," she added "mom wanted him here, I swear I didn't know." She says sadly "I promise!"

"Who is that?" Vanessa ask naively.

"His girl friend!" Jenny and Blair says in unison.

"Don't worry!" Serena says, that is all she can say. She can't say that she is not ready to see Dan again. She can't say that her heart is pounding faster ever since Jenny says Dan is there. She can't say that she feels like killing herself by the name of Jacquelyn Pinsky. What kind of name is Pinsky? But who is she to say. "Lets go in!" she says smiling.

Bloody hell. This is a real, serious, glitzy party. The whole house is alive with light and thudding music. Flowers everywhere and waiters in cool black outfits holding trays of champagne and gift bag ready for people to take.

"Serena" Nate says hugging her from behind "with Blair... Vanessa... and Olivia?" he says shocked "what are you doing here?"

"I invited them" Serena says proudly.

'This party is not for them baby" Nate whispers and Serena push him behind "what?" look shock but he knows what he says is something that will hurt Serena "and what is he doing here?"

As Serena look at the way of Nate pointed, there he is! Daniel Humphrey with a tall brunette, slim but fit, very pretty lady and she seem happy being around Dan. Dan is talking to Rufus and Alison, Jacquelyn fits perfectly as Serena can see Alison is talking and laughing at what she is saying and as she was looking at Dan and that moment, she didn't realize that Dan turn his head to look at her. She's numb now. She don't know what to say.

"For your information, my mum wanted the whole family to be here today" Jenny says interrupting Nate who is clearly not fond of having Blair, Olivia and Vanessa also Dan and Jacquelyn here too.

"Hi Jenny!" Jacquelyn says approaching them "Blair! Happy Birthday" she says giving Blair a hug.

"This is Serena!" Jenny introduces Serena "Serena, this is Jacquelyn also known as Jackie" she smile.

"Hi Serena! Nice to meet you!" she smiles. Her smile is so pure, it's hard to hate her "is that Armani Exchange bangle?" she ask and Serena nodded "I have the same one, we have great taste!" it's like a bomb in her heart, she can't hate Jackie. She's nice, she open up a conversation to politely and tell her she have a nice taste. How the hell that she is going to hate her.

_**40 minutes... **_

The party seems a bit of a stretched now. Nate and Carter left to the study room to talk business, Blair and the girls is karaoke'ing in the entertainment room. She just want to clear her head, she remembers that Jenny says she have a roof deck on top of her town house. She want to check it out. She climb the stairs to go up and wow! It's lovely, from where she is standing now, she can see the Hudson River and the pier. It's so peaceful and so easy.

"Why can't life be that easy?" she says speaking to herself "I hate amnesia!" she says again barely whispering.

"Any improvement on your amnesia?" he ask and that makes Serena jump like a mad dog from where she is standing. She look at who it might be and she's shocked to see Dan standing with a glass of champagne. No wonder she can't see him, he's all black today. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you?" he apologizing.

"Dan!" she says as though she can remember him clearly, she can recognize him because Jenny helped her to remember Dan and the image of Dan since the last she saw is lingering in her mind.

"You remember me?" he says shock, taking a few step closer to Serena "is your amnesia getting better?" there's a touch of hope in his voice "you can remember everything now?" he ask again eagerly for Serena's responds.

"No!" she says and Dan's smile faded and Serena felt bad "I mean, Jenny showed me a photo of you last night" she says "and... and... and... why didn't you tell me it was you when you helped me that day?" she ask "I drove straight to your place in Brooklyn!" now she is braver to ask him questions.

"What's the point, you don't remember me?" He says sadly "that's not my place, that's a place for me to clear my head most of the time and I was shocked to see you there" he says, his eyes getting bigger. Those light brown eyes. He doesn't really want to say anything anymore. A touch of hurt is visible now from his face.

"But you could at least tell me, you're Dan when I ask you several questions the other day in the car?"

"There's no use" Dan says his voice gone two octave lower and making his voice more husky "Serena is Serena!" he says honestly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She is getting annoyed "everyone keep on saying that 'Serena is Serena!" she says.

"Now that you know me, don't be a stranger okay?" Dan says with a weak smile but Serena seem to want to ask him something "you want to ask something?" he smile is very weak.

Why does he seem to know Serena too well, he even know that she's going to ask him something. Why must she be too predictable? Oh my god, Dan smiles. Is that a smile? Look at him, he have some wrinkles now, so cute! "Was wondering... Nate gave me a manual to remember and I was wondering why... you know... why..." she don't know how to be polite and ask him, he is waiting to be ask and why? Why can't she ask him about the manual.

"That there's no me in it?" he ask with a smile. Why must he smile? He looks so cute and Serena nodded "things happen I guess, I don't know... Nate shut me out of his life" Dan says and his phone rings and he takes the call "I'm just somewhere in the house... yes... no... Really... (he laugh)... okay... I'll see you in a minute downstairs... I love you too!" he says, now looking at Serena "I have to go..." he says weakly.

"Bye Dan" She says with a weak smile. Now she feels sick. He loves Jacquelyn. He loves Jackie. The way Dan talk to Jackie, seem like they're in love. They're in love? That is supposed to be Serena. Dan walk towards the stairs but the steps doesn't seem fading, it seems coming nearer to her and she look back "yes?" she smile.

"I'll see... I guess... what I am trying to say" he seems to be lost of words "get well soon Serena!" that's not what he wanted to say, Serena know it. He wanted to say, he want to see her soon. Dan need to tell her, he want to see her soon but he just take another step towards the stairs "I'll see you soon?" he raises his voice and say it when he take a step down the stairs and Serena nodded.

* * *

Hi readers.

Please read and review. The next chapter is 3/4 done. but I need reviews and I'll upload it. Thank you.

**Next : **

**Nate and Serena, Dan and Jackie.**


	7. Chapter 7

Again today, she says to herself the same thing she says every morning. Her life with Nate is her priority. From now on, she is going to focus on her relationship with Nate and nothing else. She has also been reading the manual, and there is a full chapter of foreplay and sex.

Although, Serena is a bit shaken from what happened two weeks ago at Jenny's party. She is grateful that she has her three best friends by her side. She also can't help but to think about Dan and why did she drive to Brooklyn the other day like she knew the road very well. It's strange and now, to think that Dan is not staying there but to see Dan there is even weirder to her. Yes, he has change and oh god! Does he look so good now but what's with the scruffiness. So she want to blame it on Jacquelyn also known as Jackie for it. She is searching for reason to hate her.

"Good morning!"Nate greeted Serena and give her a warm smile "what do you think about The Baizen's party last night?" he ask, taking a sneak peek on the Wall Street Journal and without waiting for an answer from Serena "I have the day off today, do you want to go for a ride in the city?" he says proudly "maybe it can jot your memory on track again or something?" she says hopeful.

"That's great!" she says biting her lips "but I made an appointment with Blair and the girls for a manicure Downtown," she explain to him.

"You can cancel on them" Nate says not even looking at Serena "it's not all the time that I have a full day free." Putting his newspaper down and smile and Serena nodded and smile back.

Serena has no choice but to text Blair to cancel on the plan for the day. Normally her Saturday and Sunday will be alone and not with Nate, she cancels on Blair too because Nate is right about it. She need to spend the time with him, because he is her fiancé. So it's only good if she try and make an effort to be with him and doesn't seem force. Blair reply and ask her is this about the manual and she reply back yes.

"Did you cancel on them?" Nate asks drinking the green juice.

"I am doing it right now!" she says and Blair reply her and says not everything is on the manual and ok to cancel on them today "it's cancelled."

"Did you talk to Dan last night?" Nate ask, looking straight to Serena now.

Serena don't know what to answer "who is Dan?" she lied. It's like she's been transported back to her 5 years old childhood, when she know she did something wrong, she will divert the question ask to her again, just like what she's doing now with Nate. She shakes her head.

"No one in particular" Nate smile, he seem happy "maybe you need to get ready now?" he says, "we leave in tow hours?" he says looking at the clock on the wall.

"We can leave in 30 minutes!" Serena smile.

"You can't be as pretty as you are, if you rush on your putting together Baby?" he says

What? Oh no! He didn't just say that to her. First low carbs and now she need to take two hours in getting ready before going out? What's next? She actually has an turbo oxygen tank in her bedroom to make her face look young without wrinkles. She smirks and lazy to fight with Nate.

"Nate?" she say, a bit shy "when we got together, what did you see in me? Why did you fall in love with me?"

A reminiscent smile flickers across Nate's face.

"I fell in love with you Serena" he says "because you're dynamic, you're efficient, you're hungry for success, like me! People call us hard but we're not. We're just intensely competitive."

"Right," she say after a slight pause. To be honest, she never thought of herself as that in intensely competitive but then, things change now.

"And I fell in love with your beautiful long legs and the way you swing your briefcase."

She's listening, entranced. She want to him to go on forever. No one was ever spoken to her like that about her legs and the way she swing her briefcase.

"Hey Nate" she say as he is driving along "I was looking at my bank statement today, I seem to pay all this regular money to something called Unito. I rang up the bank and they said it's an offshore account."

"Uh-huh" Nate nods as though he's not remotely interested

"Don't you know anything about it?" she say over the sound of the news.

"No" he shrugs "I just need to get some petrol" Nate swings off the road into a Shell station "I won't be a moment"

"Hey," Serena say as he opens the door. "Could you get me some chips in the shop? Salt and Vinegar if they have them?"

"Chips?" he turns back and stares at Serena as though she's as for some Cocaine and Heroine.

"Yes, chips"

"Darling," Nate looks perplexed. "you don't eat chips. It's was all in the manual. Our nutritionist has recommended a low-carb and a high protein diet, remember?"

Of course she remember "well... I know but everyone's allowed a little treat once in a while, aren't they? And I really feel like some chips now"

For a moment Nate seems lost for an answer.

"The doctors warned me you might be irrational and make off, out of character gestures," he says almost to himself.

"It's not irrational to eat a packet of chips!" she protest "they're not poison!"

"Sweetheart, I'm thinking of you!" Nate adopts a loving tone "I even bought this ticket for New York Philharmonic later tonight but now..." he look at Serena "I don't think you'll be interested in going."

"I hate classical concert, I want chips!" she demanded and take the pamphlet from the back sit as Nate went off with full of anger. She was shocked to see one of solo recital, it's Jacquelyn Pinsky. She open the pamphlet to see what's inside and there's a full page of her picture and her background.

_Jacquelyn Pinsky, holds a Bachelor of Music Degree from Ithaca College and a Master of Arts degree in New York University, both in violin performance. Her orchestral credits include credits concertmaster and principal positions of the New York University Opera Orchestra. The New York University Orchestra, The Ithaca College Symphony and Chamber Orchestras as well as New York Philharmonic Orchestra. Also the Director and Chairman of her own music school, Turtle Bay Music Academy.  
_

She want to read more but Nate came back with a pack of chips and she can see a flash of annoyance pass over Nate's face, which he manages to convert into a smile.

"I want to go to this orchestra thing!" she manages to smile and Nate look confused "I think I know this girl." She says with a smile.

"She was at Jenny's party the other night" Nate explains "here you are, your chips"

"Thank you!" she smile gratefully, but she's not sure he notices. As he drives off, she try to open the packet but her left hand is still clumsy after the accident and she can't get a proper grip on the plastic. At last she put the packet between her teeth, yank as hard as she can with her right hand and the entire packet explodes.

Shit. There are chips everywhere. All over the seats, all over the gear stick and all over Nate.

"Fuck!" he shakes his head in annoyance "are those in my hair?"

"Sorry!" she gasp, brushing his jacket "I'm sorry, really sorry"

""I have to have the car valeted and my jacket is covered with grease from your stupid chips."

"I'm sorry, it is still okay Nate" she says protecting herself "and we're here, there's no point of changing your jacket"

After a moment Nate finally say something "it's not your fault" he says staring ahead at the road "you had a bumb on the head. I can't expect normality yet."

"I feel perfectly normal," she says.

"Of course you do, now let's go in" he says taking Serena's hand into the Philharmonic studio.

**New York Philharmonic, Upper West Side**

She stand up from where she is standing, forgetting all about the chips and focusing on what she thinks is important for her. To see Jacquelyn Pinsky performance in New York Philharmonic. Dan and his musical girlfriend "it's amazing, it's so glamorous!" trying to say something to Nate who is now marching forward to a group of people.

"Hello there," he raises his voice and a moment later a skinny blond woman in rimless glasses, gray trousers and a white shirt.

"Hi Nate!" she says in a mid Atlantic accent "and Hi Serena!" she greeted her with a smile. This girl seem oblivious about Serena's condition. She seem to ignore the fact that Serena don't remember her at all.

"You're alone?" Nate ask with a flirty smile. Maybe it is just his charm. He always do that, Serena have notice it somehow.

"I'm here with my business partner..." she says and shake her head "where is he... he was just right here!" she adds "there... there he is" she tilt her head and start turning over to get a hold of "Daniel Humphrey!" she says proudly.

This is ridiculous. Her hand clench, she don't know what to do. She wants to hide but too late. Here he is, looping across the floor, wearing a skinny jeans, a navy blue v-neck t-shirt and a black blazer. Stay calm Serena. Everything's fine! You're here with Nate.

"Dan! It's been awhile?" Nate says, confused at the situation "I didn't know you have a business to have partner" he adds and laugh again but no one else in the crowd laugh with him "do you remember him, darling?" he ask "Serena is suffering from amnesia, so she doesn't remember anyone!" he smile.

"Right!" Dan finally say something "good to finally meet you both after so long." He smiles and leaves everyone behind.

"Look how rude he is, doesn't even care about amnesia!" Nate says proudly, like he won a lottery for the night.

_**After the concert**_

Dan is about ten yards away, to her left. She hasn't got the chance to talk to him yet. She has no idea why he leaves just like that. Occasionally, she glance over at him, then quickly look away as her stomach pops over.

It's like she's been transported back to Junior High again and Dan's her crush. All she aware of in this entire roomful of people is him. Where he is, what's he doing, who he is talking to. She dart another glance at him and this time he meets her eyes. Cheeks flaming, she turn away and swig her wine. Great, Serena. Not that obvious. Deliberately, she swivels right away so he's out of her line of vision.

"Serena babe! Come with me..." before Serena could stop her, she's leading her firmly over to Dan, who's talking to a rich looking couple and it's like everything in the room is in a slow motion mode. She can see Jacquelyn Pinsky walking happily towards Dan too. Oh no! She need to turn back, she can't do this. She's not ready to see them happily together. Not now. Too late!

"Let me introduce my cousin's fiancé to everyone. This is Serena!" Nate's cousin beam at them. Ok now she knows that this Atlantic accent girl is Nate's cousin. Waiting for an answer. The woman is in a Dior print dress with dyed red hair with a porcelain teeth and her gray haired husband. Serena look at them and look at Jackie. Wait? Are they? No! Yes! Goodness.

"Nice to meet you Mister and Misses Pinsky," she blurted out with an awkward smile and paused.

"Hi Serena!" Jackie smile and hug her immediately which exactly what she doesn't want her to do. Serena can only smile and she meet with Dan's eye yet again for tonight "where's Nate?" she adds.

"He's... somewhere" awkwardly answer her. She don't know where he is. She's been checking Dan out since the concert is over. She can't say the truth to Jackie, what else would she say. She can't say "I don't know, I've been checking your boyfriend or fiancé or husband" the status is still blur and she shakes her head. "Don't worry about him! It's a good show Jackie! Congratulation" she adds and Jackie smile.

"It's so rude of me... introduce to you my boyfriend" she says "Dan!" she says while glances at Dan's face. She's like a puppy, which looks at their owner when they're hungry. Look at her? Irritating "my sloppy boyfriend" she adds and that snap Serena back to reality. Jackie touches Dan's nose with her Pinky. God Pinsky! She really do measure up with her surname, don't she?

"I see," Dan nods and smile. Dan glances at Serena again and takes a step forward "nice to meet you!" and this time he offer his hand for a shake but he pull it back when Nate approaches and his smile fades.

"Serena, there you are. Emergency!" everyone start in surprise as Nate appear behind her. "I have to go, I'll take the car and Sandra can take you home, darling" he says with a smile.

"Um... yes...," she swallow "sure!"

"Ciao!" he says. Serena saw that, what was that? Nate gives Dan a warning straight face. It's a secret fight between them. Is there something she's missing? Of course there is but this is not even in Nate's manual.

Sandra leaned in closer to Serena "you don't know anything about your life, Serena!" she says, whispering so casually "I'll take you home!" she raises her voice so that Nate and everyone could hear the second thing she just said.

Now Serena swear that all she can hear is a background song from Does it offend you, yeah title with a heavy heart (does it offend you) and that's a song for disaster.

* * *

Hi readers,

Thanks for all the reviews. please read and review again. I have so much idea on this fictition.

**Next : **

**Serena wants to try to have sex with Nate? Can she do it? and **

**Dan with Jackie, can he go down on his knee and ask her to marry him?**


	8. Chapter 8

Okay, Serena need her memory back. She have had it with amnesia. She have had it with people telling her they know more about her than she do. It's her memory, it belongs to her. She stare into her eyes, reflected an inch away in the mirrored wardrobe door. This is her new habit now, to stand right up close to the mirror so the only bit she can see is her eyes. It's comforting, it makes her feel as if she's looking at the old Serena.

"Remember, you moron!" she instruct herself in a low, fierce "Re-mem-ber!"

Her eyes stare back at herself as though she know everything but won't tell. She sigh and lean her head against the glass in frustration. Since the day she got back, she has been looking at old photos, old songs and all the things in the past three years that she have missed but nothing triggers her memory.

"Stupid brain!" she says fiercely. Stupid secretive brain. Who's incharge here? Brain or herself?

"Serena, I'm off!" Nate comes into the bedroom. Since she came back, Nate has been sleeping in the spare bedroom.

"Your driver will be here at 10," says Nate "I'm off!"

"Great!" Serena kiss Nate, like she do every morning now. It's actually starting to feel quit natural "have a good day!"

"You too!" he squeezes her shoulder "hope you'll have a good day in the office today!"

"I will!" she say with confident "you look great this morning." She smiles up to him.

"So do you,"

She run her hand down his jawline. Nate's eyes meet mine questioningly and he puts a hand up to meet mine. She glance quickly at the clock. There isn't time. Thank god!

She need to be positive. Sex with Nate is going to be great, she know it is. Maybe she just need to do it in the dark and not talk to each other. His blackberry beeps, thank you god!

"Ah!" he says, sounding pleased "I've won a case of 88 Lafite Rothschild at auction."

"Wow!" she says enthusiastically "well done Nate!"

"Ten thousand dollars," he continues "bit of a steal"

"Ten thousand dollars for a case... 12 bottles?" she frowns "what a deal." She says. Wow Nate is a big spender.

"I really have to go!" he says and leave.

Serena's office

She got off the town car and buy herself a bagel and nibble it as she walk along but as she get nearer to her office building, she suddenly not hungry anymore. She has a nasty churning in her stomach. That kind of sinking, she doesn't want to go to school kind of feeling.

Summoning all her determination, she chuck the rest of the bagel in the bin and push the main glass door. She head straight up to her office without bumping into anyone. She check her email and was shocked to read about what's the company is going to do. Blair might be her friend now and now it seem she's not going to be best friend with her for long.

"Hi, Serena!" Blair edges her way into Serena's room. She's wearing a blue beaded cardigan and denim skirt and holding an envelope.

"Hi!" she says apprehensively "Hi Blair!"

"I wanted to give you this" Blair advances towards the desk, her face pinkening and hands her the envelope. Serena rip it open and pull out a stiff white engraved card. A wedding invitation "hope you can come."

Serena feel a rush of humiliation. Her body language is obvious. The last thing Blair wants is for Serena to be at her wedding.

"Look, Blair you don't have to ask me. It's really kind of you..." she's trying to stuff the card back into the envelope, her face hot "because I know you don't really..."

"Yes, I do!" she puts her hand on Serena, stopping her and Serena look up.

"You're my best friend, Serena! I know things between us has changed but... you should be there!"

"Well, thanks!" she mumbles at last "I'd love to come."

"Bring Nate with you..."

"Simon!" she start in shock "I didn't see you!"

Simon Cameliz is Serena's big boss, everyone's big boss actually.

"I'll go!" Blair says "thanks for that...er...information Serena. Very useful."

"Bye, Blair!" she smile at Blair gratefully

"I won't take up your time," Simon says shutting the door as Blair leaves "I just wanted to tell you that we will be doing a major restructuring and realignment in the department"

"What?"

"Serena, we've been through this many times, as you know. It's a tough market out there. You've done a great job in handling the department but don't worry about your department. Only two survive and the rest we will let go."

"But..."

"There's nothing to worry about"

"You can't fire everyone in my department" she says desperately "is there anything else I can do to safe them?"

"It's not firing... it's called making redundant. Get your terms right," he says and leave.

"No, wait!" she push her way out of her office room and open her office door "I don't understand? Have you looked at our sales recently?"

"By three percent?" he says looking at Serena and at the department "they can't know about it now, we will tell him by next month."

"But we can't lose the department?" she says but Simon just walk away from her and into the elevator. This cannot be happening. She says. Totally does not make any sense. She's standing in the middle of her department, looking at an empty wall with frustration flush through her face, see look around and she can see everyone of her department personel is looking at her but all she can do is just smile. She turn to look at Blair and she just smile looking at Serena, obviously oblivious about what's going on later this month.

She can't let this happen. She doesn't know what else to do. She made up her mind to safe her department. She can't let this happen to everyone; maybe the old Serena would but not the new Serena. This Serena will not let people's income be at waste because some corporate head is greedy for more money.

**Le Pain Quetien, Upper East Side**

It's a regular date night for Dan and Jackie. The night is like any other night and normally Jackie will be the first one who will be waiting for Dan but this time is a different story as Dan is the one who is there first. They have been dating for years now, it's a year and 7 months to be exact and everyone keep on asking Dan when will he go on his knee and ask Jackie to be his wife? The thing is, he is ready but he just don't know when is the right time to do that.

"I'm sorry I'm late!" she says, rushing through the entrance door and kiss Dan before she sit down on her chair "one of the parents, was complaining about their daughter have a hard time in practicing violin everyday and ask me for an advice... can you believe it baby?" she says "I don't even have a baby nor am I even close in getting married." She says and Dan know it is a cue for him because marriage topic has come out quite often lately in their date.

"You're great with kids, of course they ask you for advice!" she says sincerely "kinds loves you!" he smiles but he have this butterflies in his stomach and that's not good.

"I was wondering, if you want to help around for the perform-aton with the kids?" he ask begging him to help her "the kids loves you too, you know?" she says sincerely and Dan nodded.

Again today, Dan couldn't give her the ring or even ask her to move in with him. There's something that keep on pulling him from asking her to be the one for him. He loves Jackie very much no doubt about that but there's something missing and he knows that bow. He have to eventually go down on his knee, she's the one that he wants to marry. He knows that but every time he thinks about him asking her to marry him, is the most difficult thing that he got to do. And it should not be that hard right?

"So, are we going to catch new movie or what?" Dan ask as his voice sounds nervous "Ironman 2 or Shrek?" he smiles.

"Umm... I think I just need to get back to the studio and do some preparation for the performance..." she says while drinking her green tea "if that's okay with you?" she adds when she see that Dan is kind of dissapointed.

"Of course, it's okay... work first!" he smiles "I think I should check on my work too." he says looking at his watch "I'll walk you to your studio, okay?" he adds and ask for the checks.

* * *

Hi Readers,

Read and review. I really appreciate reviews.

**Next : **

**Dan and Serena**


	9. Chapter 9

It can't be true. The whole entire journey from her office to her town house, she keep on thinking of a plan and she got none. Stupid brain! She need her memory back. When she arrive home, Nate is sitting on the terrace in the evening sun. He's reading the New York Post and sipping gin and tonic. He looks up from the paper "you're back early? Had a good day in the office?"

"To be honest... no," she say, her voice quivering "it was a pretty terrible day. The entire department is being fired... will be fired soon," as she say the words out loud she can't help it, tears start running "all my friends, they're losing their jobs and they all hate me... and I don't blame them..."

"Serena..." Nate puts down his paper "it's business, this things happen."

"I know but this is my friends. I've known Blair my entire life!"

Nate seems to be thinking as he sips his drink. At last he shrugs and turns back to the paper "I've known Blair my whole life too but like I said, these things happen."

"They don't just happen!" she shake her head vehemently, "you stop them from happening. You fight for your department?"

"Darling" Nate appears amused "you still have your job, don't you?"

"Yes,"

"The company's not collapsing, is it?"

"No!"

"Well, then. Have a martini." He smiles.

How can he respond like that? Isn't he human? "I don't want a martini, Nate okay!" she feel like she's going out of control "I don't want it!"

"A glass of wine?"

"Nate! Don't you understand?" she almost shout "Don't you get how terrible this is?"

"Serena!"

"This people need money, need their jobs okay! They are not ultra rich high blood billionaires!" she gesture around at her glossy balcony. "They have mortgages. Rent to find and wedding to pay!"

"You're overreacting!" Nate says shortly and turn a page of his paper.

"Well, you're underreacting! And I don't understand you!" she's appealing to him directly, wanting him to look up, to explain his view and to talk about it but he doesn't, like he didn't even hear her. Carter is standing at the door to the terrace and that's her cue to leave. She can't stay at home, she need to go out from this place. Office is bad and now home is bad too.

"Where are you going?" Nate ask, looking concern.

"Out!" she slammed went by passed Carter and off he go. She want to drive somewhere this time and she took the car for the first time after the "nearly accident" she had couple of months ago.

A moment later, still her mind is giving her the most trouble things in the world. She don't know where she is and as long as she is still in the city is good enough but she's not anywhere that she is familiar of. Her stomach is growling and she need to eat. She stop at the most "familiar" restaurant and cafe that she heard of and she knows the name, since in the city there will be a long line but here, in Brooklyn. It's definitely quiet and no line.

She enter the restaurant called "Fabien", a small cozy place with terra-cotta painted walls and prints of Tuscany and shelves full of Italian books. As she walk in and look around the granite bar, the coffee machine, the battered sofa... she have the weirdest feeling, like she have been there before. Maybe it's déjà vu. Maybe it's wishful thinking, she look around at the sitting area and there's Dan Humphrey already sitting at a table in the corner as he looks up she feel her guard rising. She don't need to see him, after the shitty day she had today. First with Simon, second with Nate and now, why must it be with Dan. He smiles and Serena smiles back. She walk in.

"Hi" he says "you want to sit?"

"No!" she turn around "there's more sits around..." but the truth is, the restaurant is fully occupied. Why didn't she see this when she was coming in the restaurant before "fine!"

Of all the people in this world, why must she meet Dan Humphrey here! Why must she end her bad day with another guy in her life.

"You look upset?" Dan says to Serena.

"I'm alright!" she picks up the menu and pretend to be studying it "Maybe I have a latte."

"Come on." Dan pulls the menu down so he can see her face "you can't hide. What happened?"

He thinks this is funny. Serena can tell it from his face and voice and with a jag of wounded pride, she slap the menu down on the table.

"Don't act like you care so much, Humphrey!" she says guarded "I can handle my own problems."

"Clearly!" he says with a stiff voice.

"Don't try to pretend that you care okay!" she say harshly "you broke up with me and now since I have amnesia, you pretend to care?" she says, like a girl who's having a sugar rush. The words just rush through her mouth and before she even orders anything, her meal came in front of her. It's a cup of vanilla latte with egg Benedict. She glances at Dan, he seems not to please about what she just said but didn't say anything.

"Actually..." Dan says as his expression doesn't flicker and leans across the table "it's you who broke up with me."

"What?" she's hoping Dan's eyes will light up and he'll say something but he didn't.

"Doesn't matter, Serena!" he says and smile "just know, if you want to talk, I'm here..." he says looking straight into Serena's eyes "in front of you now..."

There's silence, with all the madness inside of her, she can't help but to check Dan out. He's wearing a black jeans, white Ralph Lauren's V neck tshirt and glasses "you wear glasses now?" she says trying to divert the last topic to something more relax and Dan nodded "it must be all the writing, typing on the computer since you're a writer." She says with a smile.

"I haven't been writing for years now" he says sincerely "I don't have much time anymore."

"By the way, I don't eat carbs anymore!" she says with a smile.

"Is that what you want or Nate?"

She doesn't want to look at Dan. He seems to know her more than Nate does. It's true that she can't remember telling herself that she wants to be in the low carbs or no carbs diet. She took a bite on her egg Benedict and smile at Dan.

"Thought so!" he says stirring his coffee.

"My company will let go of the whole department next month and I don't know what to do to safe them," finally she say it "losing Blair once is hard enough for me although for a moment but to lose her again now..." she lost for words.

"You have to understand," he says. Serena swear that he is going to give her a lecture just like what Nate said to her earlier because by the look from Dan's eyes, he is going to give her a lecture about that business and things "you have to believe in yourself, if you want to help to get your department. You can do it!" he says and Serena look shocked. She just shock "what?" he ask, wiping his mouth, afraid something stuck on his lips because at this very moment, Serena is staring at him.

"You think I can save my department?" she ask and he nodded. As Serena start pouring her heart about her problem to Dan she can't help it. Dan seem to get her, always.

"I don't understand. What happened to your plan?" he ask.

"Plan?" she says aggressively "what plan?"

"Your big plan in bringing the whole of your department to your upcoming company?" he says. Dan's eyes snap open in shock. For a moment he just stares at her as though she have to be joking "you're not serious. You don't know about it at all?"

"Know about what?" she exclaims, at the end of her tether "how do you know I have a plan?" she says.

"Listen, Serena. You have this massive idea in bringing your whole department to your new company. You wanted to do a retro boutique company for services" he wanted to continue but his phone beep and he check it "I have to go..." he says, getting up "I was supposed to meet Jackie for her music school concert and I am extremely late, the concert is over..." he says.

"Wait, you can't just go... you seem to know what my plan is?" she says getting up too "I need you to explain to me, please!" she says nearly begging.

"Look, do you have your blue folder with you at home? That will help to explain more okay?" he ask and he wanted to leave but Serena stop him and she shake her head "try calling Cece, maybe it's there? It's late Serena, it's 10pm and I have to leave before my relationship with Jackie is over!" he says sincerely and smile "but, call me if there's anything. I help you around. I promise!"

**_30 minutes later..._**

"The check please?" she ask the waiter but he seem to be heading nearer to Serena and not to the casher.

"Mr Humphrey settled it Ms Serena!" he says "do you want the sandwiches now to go?" he ask.

"How do you know my name?" she ask and shake her head, she don't want to look like a complete idiot in front of a stranger "forget it!" she smiles "sandwiches sounds good, thank you."

As the waiter went to the kitchen, she asks another waiter "whose restaurant is it?" and she smiles to look as if she's joking.

"Mr Humphrey of course!" he says with a smile and another waiter came back with a huge bag of groceries and a small brown bag of sandwich.

Dan is the owner of a restaurant? No! He is the owner of this famous restaurant chain in New York City, he have 10 restaurants scattered all over Manhattan, 2 in Brooklyn and 1 in Staten Island. How did he? But his passion is writing, not business? He seems to change to, but why? Dan was perfect the way he is.

* * *

Hi readers,

There's no reviews? seriously, please review. thank you.


	10. Chapter 10

After the sleepless night, she made up her mind to text Dan.

_Can we meet? S_

Her fingers flew over the keypad quickly and pressed send, before she changed her mind, immediately deleting the message out of her phone. She couldn't let Nate know that she was seeing Dan. It wasn't personal, it was purely business, but she didn't know what was going on with Nate and Dan and it was better to be safe than sorry.

Her phone beeped, alerting an incoming message; and she tried not to jump out of her skin as it pulled her out of her thoughts.

_Sure – D_

There was a small smile on her face, as she remembered that when messaging Dan she would always have a reply within a five minute time period. At least some things never changed, even if it was only seven in the morning.

_Fabien's 10am – S_

After she pressed send again, she wanted to change her mind about meeting him at his own restaurant, it was too dangerous; but it was too late.

_Sure. C u l8r – D_

_**Fabien Restaurant and Café, Greenwich Village**_

She was early. She had wanted to not only beat the traffic, but also him to his restaurant; and even though it was more upscale than the Brooklyn place, it still felt like déjà vu.

Even though she was early for their ten o'clock meeting time he was waiting for her in the corner table, meeting illicitly, leaving Nate and Jackie oblivious, against all her better instincts and protests.

She was meeting Dan for a reason, she reminded herself as she headed over to the table. It was business. As long as she remembered that, she was on the right track.

"So, we're both busy people." She passed over a customary greeting as she slid into the seat opposite him. "Let's talk about this deal. Tell me what you know about that file, because I've looked everywhere and I can't find it."

"Have you called your grandmother yet?" He shrugged. "It's worth a chance, just call and ask."

Serena stirred her cappuccino. She hadn't ordered one, but shortly after sitting down, a hot cup had been placed in front of her. It was like she had been here before, and that everyone knew who she was.

"C'mon Serena, you can do it." Dan's mouth twitched with amusement at the expression that had involuntarily crossed her face. "Take the phone and dial her number." He pushed Serena's phone that had been sitting between them on the table, watching closely as her fingers reluctantly typed out her grandmother's number.

"Good morning, Grandma. Yes, it's me Serena. Listen, did I leave some papers at your place recently; or a folder?" She asked quietly.

"That blue folder?"

Serena felt an almighty thrust of relief. It's true. It exists. She could feel the excitement and hope rising inside her. "That's right?" She tried to keep a level of calm in her voice. "Do you have it? Is it still there?"

"In your room, exactly where you left it." Cece sounded defensive. "You really need to clean your room, Serena."

"I can come and clean it right now, if that's okay." She couldn't keep the happiness out of her voice. "Can you keep the folder safe for me, until I get there?" She asked anxiously. "I'll be there this afternoon."

Once she had her grandmother's confirmation, she pressed the red button on her cell to end the call and smiled, which made Dan smile too.

"You're right about the file." She smiled at him. "But…how did you know? We haven't talked in years." She asked, not missing the shot of sadness in Dan's eyes.

"I'll tell you on the drive to Hamptons, okay?" Dan drained the last of his coffee. "I'm not busy today; I'll drive you, if you want."

"Fine." She responded at last. "What about Jackie?" She asked.

"She's left for Paris this morning, she's gone for a week; New York orchestra tour."

Serena nodded, unable to come up to a response to that.

_**I-95 Freeway**_

They had their story totally figured out. At least Serena did if anyone asked her; Dan was focused on giving her a driving lesson.

It was a sunny day as they made their way to the Hamptons, and as Dan reversed the car out of the rest area they'd stopped at to grab snacks and sodas, he retracted the roof of her convertible Black Audi. Then he reached into his pocket and handed the blonde girl next to him a black hair elastic. "You're gonna need this, it's windy."

"Do you always carry hair elastics with you?" Serena took the elastic in surprise, tying her hair up into a hurried ponytail.

"They're everywhere, I'm surrounded by girls." He replied casually, and then smiled at Serena's reactions. "The kids in Jackie's school have long hair. It's annoying for them to play the cello and violin with hair flying everywhere, I just happened to have this one in my pocket."

Serena's snacks and sodas sat on her lap unopened, when she'd driven in the city with Nate he had always been too worried about ruining the car, but Dan didn't seem to mind.

"Why aren't you eating?" He asked observantly, "It's your favourite flavour." He said it smiling, and tried to open the bag with his teeth. The bag popped, sending some of the contents flying into his lap. He didn't say anything as he'd handed Serena the bag back.

"So much for being a help, sorry." He laughed, when he couldn't hold it in anymore and picked one chip off his pants.

"So, you were going to tell me what happened to us?"

"About us or how I know about the folder?" He avoided the direct question as he looked at her calmly from behind his Ray-Ban glasses. "I can tell you about us later once you have the file, it will be…easier to picture everything then. But the folder?" He took a pause, like he was thinking. "We'd been emailing each other for about a month before your accident." He said finally.

Serena squealed. "Oh! Do you know what's in the folder?" Why hadn't she asked that before?

"I don't know; you were reluctant to talk about that on MSN…" He smiled. "You thought by telling me, it would be jinxed." He laughed again.

"We…we MSN each other?"

"Everyday, since we started talking again…" He paused for a second. "Online…"

"So, we only talked through the internet?" She asked and she didn't miss another shot of sadness through Dan's face.

Ever since Dan had told her that they only talked to each other online, she lost him in his deep though. There must be a reason behind why she was back in Dan's world; He seemed to know a lot about what her planes for the future.

That's what Serena had always loved about Dan, he had _always _understood her. Was it she who had made the first contact? Or was it him?

"Are you okay?" Dan asked, he was concentrating on road but there was a frown of concern on his face. The kind of expression that he would do every time he was thinking _don't worry about us, worry about losing Blair._

"Did we ever talk about meeting?" Serena asked, but Dan only smiled in response.

The red light they had stopped at turned green, and Serena turned to stare out at the grand white houses that they sped by, not really noticing them as they neared her Grandmother's mansion.

Then they were suddenly in front of it, and Serena shivered. Dan smiled, like he'd been doing the entire car ride, just because of the knowledge that she was there with her ex-boyfriend and not Nate.

"Grandma!" Her voice was full of enthusiasm as she leapt out of the car, rushing to meet Cece who was waiting for them at her front door.

"You're here with Dan?" Her voice full of concern. "Does Nate know?" She asked Serena in a low tone, whispering, so Dan couldn't overhear.

"We're only here for business, okay?" She smiled. "So don't get anything in your head."

"Hi Cece!" He greeted her like an old friend. "You look amazing, as always."

* * *

First, I want to thank **Caseycoop** for helping me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Second, **Kelsey**... thank you for being honest and supportive. Appreciate it a lot.

and to my** readers**, I hope you like this chapter. Read and Review please. Review is important to me. Thanks!


	11. Chapter 11

"It's been a while…since I last saw you here Daniel." Cece smiled tightly, sitting on one of the most comfortable albeit posh sofas he had ever seen.

"I've been busy with things." He smiled back. "Serena was asking me for help in piecing her life back together." He crunched into a biscuit that Cece's housekeeper had offered him. "I thought, maybe, knowing about the stuff with her dad would help."

Serena had disappeared from the conversation, moving quickly up to the room that had been hers since childhood; where the folder was waiting patiently for her. The second she opened it, her writing was thrown at her; lines and lines of it, clear as day like a message from her past self to her current amnesiac one.

She scanned the first page as fast as possible, trying to glean as quickly as possible what she was doing, what she had been planning.

In an instant, she understood; she got the whole picture.

She raised her head, her heart thudding with excitement. It was such a good idea; it was a _really _good idea, it could change everything.

She walked down the stairs, moving on adrenaline as she grasped the folder tightly. She rushed into the living room as her grandmother and Dan were in the middle of an intense conversation.

"Got it?" Dan asked from where he'd been standing near the bar.

Serena nodded, a smile spreading across her face, "It's a brilliant idea."

"Of course it is; it's your idea." He praised her, even without knowing the idea.

"Really?" She felt a glow of pride, which she tried to quell. "You know, this might be the one that can save everyone."

"So, Cece…" Dan changed the course of the conversation. "Are you telling her or am I. She needs to know?"

"Know what?" She asked in confusion.

"About why you changed." He answered. "About your dad."

"My…my dad?" She asked helplessly. She hadn't been expecting this. "Did dad come back grandma?"

Cece nodded reluctantly, angry at Dan for putting her in this sudden position. "What happened?"

"Don't lie to her." Dan warned. "She needs to know the truth."

"All right…" Cece's voice descended to a whisper,

"What?" Serena asked in frustration, unable to make out any on the whispered mumblings.

"The bailiff's came." Her cheeks flushed red with distress. "Five...without any warning. They wanted to repossess this house. Take the furniture, everything. Apparently, your father owed them ten million dollars."

"Get to the part where he came back…" Dan ordered, without remorse in his voice or face. "Tell her…"

"Your father showed up that same day, and had a heart attack, dying in front of us." Cece was on the verge of tears. "He lied, and he left everything for the family to handle."

"Grandmother," Serena thought about stomping her foot like a petulant child. "You know I can't remember anything. Neither you nor mum told me anything about this. This makes everything so much clearer." She was furious. "What happened with the bailiffs?"

"They gave us two years…"

"I stepped up to help the family…" It made so much sense.

Serena's face is still flushed hot, she stood up moving silently to the window as she tried to picture the scene; trying to imagine herself as the flat broke senior she was in 2007. To love her dad, to find out the debt he left the family in. The bailiffs came to bankrupt them.

Things were _really _starting to make sense.

"I have to go…" She announced suddenly, stomping out of the living room without a goodbye, leaving Dan to follow behind her.

On the way back, she sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. She was still clutching the blue folder tightly, as if it might try to run away.

"I still can't believe my dad left us in that sort of trouble." She finally broke the silence. "No warning or anything. He just shows up and then suddenly I'm in charge."

"You had to do what you had to do to save your family." He says as his voice gets drier.

"Is that why we broke up?" Serena couldn't avoid it anymore; she was on a roll now to work out her life. Dan nodded. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened…" His voice is drier than ever now. "You left for Paris to clear your head, when you came back…" He paused for a second, "we broke up." He finished.

"I'm sorry…" She said, almost too softly. She doesn't know what else to say.

"No, don't be." Dan glanced at Serena. "You got to do what you wanted."

"Even when I don't have the money to go to Paris, I still went." Serena smiled, in an attempt to make the conversation lighter.

"It was a gift from me, actually." Dan admitted, not moving his eyes from the road. "I should never have let you go on that vacation…" He thought about the rest of the sentence. "Never mind." He dismissed it.

"Why?"

"What?" The question brought him back to reality. "Nothing." He shrugged it off.

"Come on, what else could have happened that is worse than _all _this?" Serena smiled, knocking Dan lightly on the shoulder. "Tell me…"

"You met Nate there." He hadn't meant to snap it out at her. Honestly.

Serena couldn't say anything more. How could she have broken up with Dan right after the holiday he had paid for, to be with someone she'd met on that holiday?

She'd been so lost in her thoughts, she hadn't even realised that it was past midnight. They'd been driving all afternoon.

"I can't believe it's so late." Serena lets out a yawn. "Nate's in London with Carter on a business trip…"

"Jackie's in Europe on the tour…" Dan adds; the point being no one was waiting for them back in the city. "I've got a studio, not too far from here. We can crash there for the night, and go home tomorrow morning. It's a one bedroom though." He offered. "If that's okay with you?"

Serena nodded; anywhere she could sleep would be good.

The studio was in the most beautiful five floor flat she had ever seen; granted it was on a run down street in Mystic, and she had to ignore the graffiti that covered the walls, but the place itself was big and pale brick, with massive old arched windows; and the inside was larger than it looked from the out and he had amazing views of the waterfront they were on.

"This is amazing." She breathed.

The ceiling is high, the walls are a basic white, and there's a tall, sloped desk covered in paper, next to a work station bearing a massive Apple Mac computer. She also notices that there are no photos of him or Jackie; she wonders if it's a secret bachelor's pad.

"This whole row of apartments is used for artist studios." Dan's eyes are gleaming as he walks around to his work table. "I have something to give you since you're here, come with me." He said. "Your stuff is in here."

Serena followed where he was pointing, through an archway to a small alcove, furnished with a big blue sofa and massive black leather bean bag. "That's my mug?" She questioned as she picked up the hand painted pottery mug that Blair once gave her for a birthday, sitting on a shelf like it belonged there.

Dan nodded.

"And my sweater!" There's an old ribbed polo neck draped over the sofa. Serena had had it forever, since she was about fifteen. She looked around in disbelief as more and more of her things came into her view. Dan had everything of hers. "Why do you have it all here?"

"I've never touched any of it. It stays the same as you've left it…" Dan shakes his head, for some reason. "Now that you're here, you can…"

"Jackie?"

"She doesn't know about this place." He confirmed her earlier thoughts. "It's something I don't share with her. Everyone needs their secrets."

"We came here for a quick weekend vacation, before everything; we fell in love with the place." He told her. "It looked a lot different then, completely forgettable. We had just signed the papers, and you'd stashed your stuff in the closet. I haven't been able to let go of this place since then."

Serena was suddenly seeing the other side of her, the side she thought had disappeared forever. For the first time, since she woke up, she felt like she was home. All this time, her stuff was here.

_You don't know anything about your life_, Sandra's words flashed through her mind.

"Do you remember anything?" The question was casual, but she could sense the hope underneath.

"No." She shook her head, frustrated with herself. "I remember my stuff, but I can't even remember putting it in this place." She breaks off as a beaded frame caught her attention. It was a photo of Dan and herself, they're sitting on a tree trunk, his arms were around her and she was wearing an old pair of jeans and sneakers with one of his shirts. Her hair is streaming down her back, her head tossed back.

She was laughing as if she was the happiest person in the world.

_Fabien tries too_, the restaurant sign in the corner of the picture stood out. She looked for Dan but he had disappeared. No wonder he had named his restaurant _Fabien, _and that there was a sense of déjà vu about it.

It was real. It was really real. They seemed so in love and happy together. _Why had she broken up with him?_

"Why did I break up with you?" She asked Dan the question again, finding him in the kitchen with a cup of tea.

"I didn't have the money Nate does." He said it simply. "I had a plan but it wasn't enough." He smiled, time lessening the pain. "You came back engaged actually." He shot out a weak laugh.

"What?" Serena was disgusted with herself.

"Even though I had no money, I still offered to help pay the debt, but it was too late. Nate was like…state of the art. He's the real deal, he's charming. He ticked all your boxes." He thought about something for a minute, and a bitter smile crossed his face.

"In fact, he's like one of his loft style living projects. You put him in the "perfect boyfriend" setting, and away he goes…"

"No! I can't be that shallow." Serena was finding it difficult to breathe all of a sudden. She couldn't be with Nate only because of his money.

"No, you're not." Dan comforted her. "I'm just saying; since you've been with Nate everything's changed."

"He loves me!"

"Uh-huh!" Dan smiled; the bitterness still evident. "Look, we're not here to fight or even talk about Nate. Okay?" He pointed out the bedroom. "The beds in there, I'll take the couch."

Serena couldn't sleep, not after she had turned out the lights and crawled underneath the soft sheets. Not after the news she'd had to swallow about her father and Dan.

She looks around the room, the only light coming from the natural glow of the moon outside, and the street lights below them. There's one picture of them on the night stand table; Serena's head is on Dan's stomach and she's smiling. Dan's eyes were hidden behind his Ray-Ban glasses.

She actually remembered the day they took this photo, before the accident; before life got complicated.

She had gotten out of bed to get a glass of water from the kitchen, to calm herself down, and even though she knew she shouldn't she instead moved to the living room. She couldn't see Dan, even though he said he'd be there.

It was raining outside, it had started about half an hour ago and one glance out the window confirmed that his car was still there; he hadn't disappeared on her.

"Are you looking for me?" Dan's voice asked behind her and Serena jumped like a scared puppy. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"I was looking for the kitchen." It was a weak lie, considering the kitchen was clearly visible from where they were standing. Neither one of them said anything about it though. "Where did you go?"

"A walk." He shrugged, and Serena noticed he was drenched. "I needed to clear my head."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked. She knew him enough to know from his face that it had to be important.

"It's two in the morning. Do you really want to talk about my problems?" He smirked. "Fine, but I'll say I told you so if I bore you." He laughed.

"It sounds like you're happy with Jackie." Serena noted sincerely, two hours later.

"I am…" He couldn't look at Serena. "But she travels so much, it's almost impossible to see her." He said softly.

"At least you have her." Serena pointed out.

"I know, but you see…I'm not complaining." He quickly added, he looked up to see Serena's reaction but she was looking somewhere else. "It's really late now, you should go to bed."

"Can we just go back…?" She said. She doesn't want to fight with Dan or toss and turn until the sun came up because of what she was feeling with Dan while she was with Nate. "I'm sorry, I just…"

"It's okay." He assured her. "It's only forty minutes back." The rain had stopped now. "We can be back before sunrise."

* * *

Hi readers, please read and review.

Thanks to Casey for helping me.

Next chapter will be up soon too, take care.

Review please


	12. Chapter 12

"I don't expect you to love me Serena." He said to finally break the silence between them.

"Yes you do." She cried out. "You expect me to remember what happened between us. There's hope in your eyes, I can see it" To her slight horror, tears were streaming down her face; she had no idea why it hurt so much trying to remember her past.

She turned away and wiped her cheeks, gulping and unable to stop the upcoming torrent of tears. "You're always badmouthing Nate."

"I don't." He defended, his voice rising. "But I told you the truth, he doesn't love you Serena."

"So what are you saying? That you're the one that loves me?" She wiped away more tears. "It doesn't matter though because you're with Jackie, and I have Nate."

"I'm saying…I don't know! I don't know." He started, but then broke off helplessly.

"You're just a guy that I loved before...!" words rushing from her mouth like a bullet but that at last makes Dan quiet.

The last fifteen minutes of the ride, back into the city is completely silent. Serena sat, holding her blue folder and Dan changed the gears, his jaw set. They refused to even look at each other.

He pulls the Audi into the parking space, and for a moment neither of them moves. The rain has started again and is thundering against the roof of the car; then suddenly there's a crash of lightning.

"You'll have to run straight in…" Dan said.

"How will you get back?" She asked, genuinely concerned.

"I'll be fine." He handed Serena her car keys, avoiding her eye. "Good luck with that." He nodded down at the folder. "I mean it."

"Thanks." She ran a hand over the cardboard cover, biting her lips. "Although, I don't know if I can help my department. I've lost all credibility in business."

"You'll do just fine!" He promised.

"I hope…"

"Serena…"

Serena felt a flurry of nerves at Dan's tone; it was like he wanted to say something deep and she couldn't bear hear it now.

"Let's…talk." She said hurriedly. "Sometime."

"Okay," He held her gaze for a moment. "Sometime sounds like a deal." He climbed out, lifting his hands up ineffectually trying to protect himself from the rain. "I'm going to go find a cab. Go on, run in!" He hesitated for a second; then dropped a kiss on Serena's cheek before striding away.

Serena bolted through the rain to her entrance, almost dropping the folder in the rush; then stood under the portico, telling herself that last couple of days had been crazy. She got a glimpse of Dan and realised he hadn't waited for a taxi, he had started to walk and it made Serena feel guilty.

Then all of a sudden, she sagged as the reality of her situation hit home. She doesn't know what she had been thinking. Whatever she had in the folder, he was never going to give her another chance in explaining and winning back the whole department.

After the adrenaline of the day before, she just wanted to take a steamy bubble bath. While she was halfway submerged under the bubbles she messaged Blair asking to meet tomorrow for breakfast.

She didn't completely relax until she had received the _okay_ reply.

_**Dos Caminos Soho, next morning**_

"Okay, we've had breakfast and coffee. You're stalling S, do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Blair finally asked. She knew Serena too well for her to keep secrets.

"The company is going to lay off the whole department." Serena rushed after a big breath. "I know you're going to hate me."

"What? Everyone?" Serena nodded.

"And you're telling me why?"

"Because, I don't want to lose you again Blair." She said. "I knew all this before the accident, and I had a plan. I just don't know how to present myself to Simon."

"You think you're going to lose me?" Blair asked. "You won't Serena." She covered Serena's hand with her own. "You're different now, and you want to change, right?"

Serena nodded.

"Dan helped me remember my old plan, find all the plans. It is a good idea…"

Blair seemed lost for words. "Dan? Daniel Humphrey? Your ex?" Serena nodded again. "You actually talked to Dan?"

Serena explained what had happened yesterday, transporting herself back to the flat with Dan. She wanted to talk to her friend about it, but Dan had said no one knew about it except for the two of them.

"And nothing happened?" Blair asked doubtfully. Serena explained again that they had just talked about the past and it wasn't like they kissed or anything because honestly, it just didn't happen.

"So he told you that he visited you while you were in the hospital for four days?" Blair asked, sipping on her coffee. Serena was shocked. "I thought you two _love birds _talked?"

"He visited me?" Serena asked nervously; she had a vague recollection of someone visiting her in the hospital, someone with a masculine voice; but she had never been able to open her eyes or respond.

"And Nate didn't mind?"

"He did. I swear I shouldn't be telling this but he visited every single night." Blair admitted. "But Nate came back day five and that's when you woke up. I know it's dangerous for him, but Dan still cares for you." She can't lie. Even though it's been more than three years since Dan and Serena had broken up, the chemistry between them was so strong that even Blair couldn't deny it.

Yes, she was a good friend with Dan's new girlfriend but there was still something missing in his life.

"Aren't you like good friends with Jackie?" Serena asked with a smile, because that's just who Blair was; she'd be friends with people she thinks she can take advantage of but deep down, she was a caring person.

"I like Jackie." Blair answered. "Of all Dan's exes I think Jackie's the best, and it's not like Dan isn't happy with her because I know she makes him happy…" She trailed off for a second, and looked up at Serena; who wasn't looking too happy.

"But you stole his heart a long time ago, and even though Jackie's great, he still thinks highly of you."

"What about Dan and his restaurants." She asked, the thought lingering in the back of her mind for a while because she did remember that Dan was a great writer, she hadn't forgotten that.

"He did it for you…" Blair studied Serena for a second, before continuing. "Can't you see, he had all these plans but it wasn't good enough because according to you before, it was a plan…it wasn't something certain." She said the last couple of words mockingly.

"I'm not that shallow…" Serena hated it when people reminded her of who she had turned into.

"Of course not, but you have to do what's best for you…"

"And you never saw me after that?" Serena was sad again, and Blair nodded.

"You changed and there was no point in trying to talk to you anymore." Blair said. "I found Chuck and we're happy, it took Dan a year to find a girl like Jackie."

"I don't want to talk about this now okay…" She was getting more anxious with each word Blair said.

"And you're still with Nate, and you're happy too." Blair smiled. "Now, what do you want to do to save us our job?" Blair asked, finally moving back to the topic.

"I need help."

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Please Read and Review. Thank You and thanks to Casey too. Please review and give me feedback.


	13. Chapter 13

Blair had helped Serena prep for her big meeting with management, even sending her back home to change into something more complicated and sophisticated. The first thing that she did when the meeting started was tell the big bosses, her bosses, about her plan and what she wanted to do to save her department. .

As everyone watched, Serena and their bosses entered from across the room;.

"I did everything I could, but..." she exhaled sharply, before changing her topic. "Anyway, the other news is..." she started as every one in the management team glared at her fiercly. "I've been fired!"

"What?" Blair said with a jolt of disappointment.

"I resigned or fired... doesn't matter!" she said dismissively, " To all of you who hated me or thought I was a total hard as nails bitch..." she swivelled around, taking in all the silent faces, "I'm sorry. I know I didn't get it right but I did my best to save your jobs. Cheers and good luck everyone!" she lifted her hand in a semi-wave.

"Thanks Serena!" Melanie said awkwardly. "Thanks for trying, anyway!" Melanie had worked for Serena for almost a year and yes, Serena had been a pain for her, but she made the effort to help Melanie and others keep their jobs.

"Yeah... thanks," chimed Clare, whose eyes had been like saucers through Serena's speech and to that, a lot of Serena's employees or what she would call as team mates started clapping and suddenly the whole room is applauding.

"Stop it!" Serena's eyes started stinging and she blinked hard, "You idiots. I didn't do anything. I failed and I've been fired... so I'll be going to the bar immediately to get drunk!" she said with a smile "I know it's only 3 o'clock now but anyone care to join me?"

An hour later, the tab for the bar that Serena had started was over five hundred dollars. It was the best party she had ever been to. After everyone left, there was only Serena and Blair left standing in the pub alone.

"So!" Blair lifted her drink. "To us!" she clicked glasses. Like the old days, almost. Vanessa and Olivia were joining them later.

"To be unemployed," Vanessa said entering the pub soon after, after she also resigned. "Not that I have to, but I want to!" she smiled.

"Okay, you guys... I have something to tell you, but you can't let it out to anyone!" Serena said getting serious.

"Are you pregnant?" Blair asked bright-eyed.

"No, you dope!" Serena lowered her voice "I've done a deal, that's what I was trying to tell the management. This new company wants to use one of our old design carpets. Like a special, high profile limited edition. We will be providing them PR and interior designing consulting. I just need to finalize the contract!"

"That's great, Serena!" said Blair, looking uncertain "but how can you do it now, you're fired?"

"The directors are letting me license the old designs as an independent operator. For a bargain! They're so short-sighted and I took advantage of that!"

"I can't believe our old company weren't interested." Blair shook her head incredulously "and who did you tell this crazy plan to before, _and_ thought it would work?" Blair asked, knowing Serena her missions always had someone to back her up.

"Well..." Serena hesitated to answer "according to him..." she stalled for a second "Dan!" she said finally.

"Dan?"

"Listen, they've totally written off carpet and flooring; all they care about now is home entertainment systems but that's good! It means they're going to let me license all the designs for practically nothing. Then all the profits will come to me and whoever who works with me?" she said trying to drift the old question with something more interesting. Serena looked from face to face, waiting for the message to hit home.

"Us?" Blair asked, her face suddenly glowing "you want us to work with you?"

"If you're interested!"

"We're in!" everyone chimed in unison.

" Who is this mystery company that wants our product now?" Vanessa asked.

"Porsche!" Serena says picking up a samosa and popped it into her mouth.

_**3 MONTHS LATER**_

So that's it, Serena was the official licenser of Dellar Carpets Designs. She'd met with the lawyers the day before and she'd had another one that morning. Everything had been signed and the bank draft had gone through. Tomorrow she was meeting with Jeremy from Porsche and they were going to sign a contract.

Even as Serena arrived home, she was still full of adrenaline. She needed to call the girls and fill them in on the developments. Then she needed to think about where they were going to base themselves.

Serena heard voices from Nate's office as she walked into the town house. Nate must have arrived home from his trip while she was with the lawyer. She peeped around the open door to see a room full of his senior staff grouped around the coffee table, with an empty cafeteiere at the center.

"Hi," Serena smiled at Nate "Good trip?"

"Excellent," he nodded, with a puzzled frown "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I'll... explain that later" she looked around at the faces, feeling generous after her successful morning "Can I bring you anything?"

"The maid can do that!" said Nate reprovingly.

"It's ok, I'm not busy." She replied.

Serena headed into the kitchen, humming as she made a fresh pot of coffee, sending a quick text to Blair to let her know all went well. She headed back to Nate's office with a full pot and discreetly started pouring it out while listening on the discussion.

*******"I'm afraid I don't think Sally Hedge deserves a raise or a bonus," One woman stated as Serena poured her coffee, "she's very average!"

"Really?" Serena was surprised.

"Sally Hedge is the director or finance in Nate's company and she did get a raise couple of months ago... why not raise Fredrick!" The woman added.

"Serena made friends with all the secretaries and junior staff when she came into my office." Nate gave a little laugh "she's very good at that kind of thing." He added.

"It's not a kind of thing..." Serena retorted, a little rankled by his tone "Fredrick have been working for you for 4 years and no raise at all... don't you think a little raise would make him happy Nate?"

Everyone looked at Serena blankly for a second.

"Serena, a word!" Nate walked Serena swiftly to the bedroom and closed the door "Please don't ever interfere with my business again!" Nate was angry.

"Nate, I'm sorry I interrupted the meeting," she apologised quickly. She thought that Nate was pissed off in the meeting room just now but couldn't tell it " I was just expressing an opinion."

"I don't need any opinions!" he started to shout.

"Isn't good to talk about things?" she said in astonishment, not believing this. "Even if we disagree! I mean, that's what keeps relationships alive."

* * *

I know it's short but I am having my exams now. Enjoy and review. The other story will be updated by next week for Paparazzo.


	14. Chapter 14

"I don't agree!" his words are coming out like a bullet fire. He still has that smile on, like a mask, as if he has to hide away his anger.

Suddenly, it's like a filter falls off her eyes. She don't know this man. She don't love him. She don't even know what she's doing here with him. "Nate, I'm sorry..." she says and walk over to the window, trying to gather her thoughts, then she turn around "can I ask you something, since we're talking?"

"Okay!"

"What do you really, genuinely think? About us? Our relationship?

"I think it's amazing... we're making good progress," Nate says and nods, his mood instantly better as though they're moved onto a new subject "we're becoming more close... you're getting better and you're getting there, thanks to the manual I gave you. All good!"

He sounds so businesslike, like he might suddenly produce a power point presentation with graph going up to show Serena's life progress since the accident.

"Nate, I'm sorry" Serena heave a deep sigh and slump down on a suade arm chair "I don't think we are becoming more... like a couple!"

Nate sits down heavily on the bed and lapse into silence. He picks up a black and white photograph of Serena and him. Serena can't stop wondering how long was she happy with Nate.

"Nate, it's not working out..." she sigh as she take the frame from Nate "not for either of us. I'm with a man that I don't know and you're with a girl who doesn't remember us! All I remember is the old you... who cheated on me!"

"That was a long time ago..."

"I know but we were in a relationship and you cheated on me!" she sigh "you slept with my course mate when I'm not around... In my dorm room!" she says trying to get a hold of herself "point being, I don't see why you should stay with me... I don't remember me, remember us!"

"We're going to be married soon... a clean slate!" he sweeping his hands around for emphasis.

"We're not!" Serena shakes her head "and I can't do anything anymore..."

"We can work it out..." Nate switches instantly into the concern fiancé that he can be "maybe you've been pushing yourself to hard. Take a rest!"

"I don't need a rest, I need to find my self!"

"Take a vacation..." he says, opening up his laptop "Paris... France?" he suggest "maybe, Cabo or anywhere tropical..." he sounds panic.

"No!"

**Dan's apartment. **

Dan has a lot on his plate, his business is booming and all he wanted to do is to go home and relax while listening to Ched Baker. He unlocked the front door and was shocked to see that there's a light coming out from his bedroom, it's not a total shock to him but Jackie is not schedule to be back until the end of month, which is another 2 weeks and he also remember that he gave Jackie a spare key in case of emergency.

He walk to the long corridor of his apartment loft and quietly open the door to his bedroom, it's not a surprise. It is Jackie. Part of him is happy that his girlfriend is back in the city with him and part of him is not. It's complicated.

"Hey..." Dan says acting shock "you're back?"

"Surprise!" Jackie says with full of enthusiasm and love in her voice, without hesitate she drape her arms around Dan and give him the longest and passionate kiss ever "I miss you..." she says and start to kiss him again "have you been good?" she ask as she let go of Dan.

"Of course," he says. He has been good, except the fact that he was alone with Serena and helping her remember her past. He have been good, he shakes his head to reality "I am!" with a smile when Jackie look at him playfully searching for an answer.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't call..." she says realizing that she got into Dan's apartment without permission "I was thinking..." she says playfully, unbuttoning one of Dan's button "we could celebrate tonight..." she says huskily into Dan's ears.

"Oh..."

"Oh?" Jackie says mocking Dan "that's all you can answer?" she says shaking her head "oh?" waving her hand disappointed.

"No...No...No..." Dan trying to save the moment, he wraps his arms around her "I mean, it's good but I don't have anything at home to prepare for it..." he says lying but Jackie is still angry at him "let me go and buy us some drinks, candles and some whipped cream maybe?" he ask trying to make Jackie smile and indeed she smile.

"Don't be too late..." she says as Dan trail off from the room.

As Dan walk over to get his wallet from his messenger bag that he just tossed in the living room, he cannot help but to feel anxious. Yes, it has been forever since he and Jackie make love together but that is not the anxious feeling that he got now. A reflection of Serena came streaming into his vision, like a slide show. He closes his eyes and let his feelings take over him for once and as he opens his eyes, a jolt of guilty runs down his body.

"Baby, you're still here?" Jackie raises her voice from the bedroom "you don't want me to wait too long, do you?" she says playfully.

"Yeah, got it... I'm going to Whole food and that liquor store... that you like okay?" he says and off he goes.

"Okay... love you!" Jackie says but Dan did not say it back although he heard her.

"Me too..." he replies softly but not full heartedly.

30 minutes later...

Serena is almost done with packing; she got 3 large suitcase to put all her stuff in and not like she remember having everything that she have packed but it's vital for her to have it all and nothing for Nate in the closet. He can have all the walk-in. Serena is having trouble in bringing her luggage down one by one, as she head to the front door, she lose her grip of the bag and hit the big floor vase. She shakes her head in disbelief, the last thing she wants is for Nate to be angry at her.

_I broke a vase in the hallway, bye Nate and all the best for everything – S_

She texted Nate and in the same time, take off her engagement ring.

she walk out of the town house, she looks at it once again but there is no words that can describe her feelings now except for relive. Thank goodness that her luggage has a roller because she needs to drag all this to the next street to meet Olivia.

Out of disbelief, there is Dan across the street wearing the same old V-neck t-shirt that he will always use. Doesn't he ever wash them? It is either the dark green Ralph Lauren or baby blue Lacoste. She really wants to talk to Dan now since she and Nate is over but she don't know to go gather all her strength and Dan is crossing the street. She wonder why? Dan didn't see her but was shocked to see her there anyway.

"Hi!" she say, her throat is suddenly dry "what are you doing here?"

Dan face is almost austere, his light brown eyes is as intense as ever. Serena suddenly reminded of the very first time she met Dan, down the street where he saved her from the almost accident.

"I called you at work but they say you're not working today" he says panic "I need to say something to you Serena," every muscles in his body tighten "I shouldn't bad mount Nate or pestered you...it's not fair!"

Serena feels a jolt of shock. That's not what she was expecting. She's all twistered inside. She can't meet his eyes. She takes a step away from Dan, he might not know that she is with 3 luggages, she starring at the floor, winding her hands around each other tightly, holding her breath.

"I've thought about it a lot since the last time we meet..." Dan continues rapidly "I realize this has been an impossible time for you. I haven't helped!" he says sadly and paused "and you're right..." trying to gather his voice and strength "I'm just the guy you loved before..."

"Dan, I didn't mean..."

"I know." He lifts a hand, his voice gathers "It's ok, I know what you mean. This has been hard enough for you and I've been selfish!" he takes a step closer, his eyes searching for Serena's "and what I can say is, don't beat yourself up, you're doing your very best!"

"Yeah..." her voice crack. Oh god, she's going to cry and Dan seems to realize this and moves a step back to give her space.

"Sorry" he apologizing, thinking that she's not comfortable being that close to him.

"No..." she says softly.

"It's been three months I didn't talk to you... how'd it go at work with the deal?"

"Good!" she nod

"Great, I'm happy!" he nod

"I'm leaving Nate..." Serena blurts it out like a release "I'm going to stay with Olivia before I get my own place." She didn't mean to look for Dan's reaction but she can't help it.

The hope rushing into his face like sunshine "I'm glad..."he says at last, carefully measured "you probably need some time to think it over, this is all new for you!"

"Uh-huh. Dan..." her voice is all thick. She don't know what she wants to say.

"Don't!" he shakes his head with a weak smile "we just missed out time!"

"It's not fair!"

"No!" he says as his voice is shaking and Dan can see Olivia rushing thru the crowd.

"Hi, Dan..." Olivia says with a concern and confused voice, "you ready Serena?" she ask Serena.

After 5 minutes of helping Serena and Olivia pack her things in the cab, it's time for Dan and Serena to say good bye.

"So..."

"So!" as he help with the last bag and closes the car trunk "take good care of yourself!"

"You..." she swallow "you too!"

With slightly stumbling legs, she get into the cab and pull the door to but She can't yet bring herself to close it properly.

"Dan..." she look up to where he's still standing "were we..." she swallow "were were good together before Paris?"

"We were good..." his voice is so low and dry it's barely audible, his face is full of mingled love and sadness as he nods "we were very good together!"

And now tears are spilling down her cheeks, her stomach is wrenched with pain, she's weak. She could open the door again and change her mind but she can't. She can't run straight from one guy she doesn't remember to the arm of another.

"I have to go!" she says finally and of the taxi goes. Her tears can't seem to stop, she rub furiously and still she can't stop crying. She didn't cry when she calls it off with Nate and now when she kind of having a closure with Dan, she is crying like a baby.

"Everything is going to be okay" Olivia assure Serena and hug her, she knows that Serena can't remember anything but it's painful for her to lose Dan again.

"It hurt..." she can't stop crying, her body is weak and her voice is shaky "it's painful!" she says crying harder as Olivia hug her closer.

"I know it does..." that's all that Olivia can say. She still can remember how Dan and Serena broke up the first time with the engagement bomb Serena let out to everyone.

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hi, read n review. review has been slow on a lot of my stories. I don't know whats wrong. so i am kind off sad about it. sorry it took so long to update. this fiction, i might want to end it soon. or it might end here. depending on reviews.


	15. Chapter 15

**six months forward**

"Is everything okay?" Dan asked as he enter the room. He knows that a lot of people around them keep on asking about marriage and by theory, they are perfect for each other.

"I don't know Dan, is everything okay?" She said dry.

Now he can feel the tension. For few months now, every time someone bring up the topic of marriage. Somehow, they will fight about it and it's never clean. It's never clean. "Something is not right and I don't want to fight with you"

"Too late"

"Look at me..." He says while taking a few step closer.

"Don't come close!"

"This is ridiculous, Jackie"

"Is this for me or for Serena?" She finally turn herself to face Dan. The truth is, she found out about the ring a few months ago. She's happy, of course she is but a few months has passed and Dan still did not proposed.

"What? Serena..." He's surprised that Serena's name is mention in this fight at all.

"I know about you and Serena," more tears rolling down her eyes. "I know how much you love her and how she is the one!"

"That's the past" he raised her voice a little "and I would really appreciate it if you don't mention her name in this. It's not about me and her. That's the past. We... We... We have some issues here, clearly!"

"Look at you, the way you protecting her"

Dan really don't have anything to say. He really don't want to fight with her so he actually leave the room. Much to his realization that everyone were outside of their room listening to their conversation.

**30 minutes later by the pond**

"Cold feet?" Jackie's dad handing Dan with a glass of whiskey tonic.

"Thanks," he can't seem to answer that either.

"She knows about the other girl," Jackie's dad seems to be calm "I don't blame you... I was once just like you."

That kind of made Dan interested in knowing more about his past. They talk for a few minutes til Jackie actually walk over to the pond.

"Good luck, son!"

He can feel Jackie's tears spilling on his shirt as she hug him from behind. He knows that he gotta do what he got to do. He knows it's partly his fault. Ok! Partly is a lie, 90 percent of the problem is Dan's fault. "I'm sorry," he sound so sincerely and that apology kinda break his heart too.

"Do you love her?"

"I did not cheat on you. I didn't do anything that disrespectful of you, you know that!" He says softly.

"I did not ask about that, I'm asking if you love her?" Her heartbeat is beating faster. She knows the answer but she wanted to hear it from him.

"Jackie..." He finally turn to look Jackie straight in the eyes "I love you! You do know that..."

"I do!" She says crying this time.

"I know I made you feel this pain, I'm sorry. You'll gotta breathe. We'll be okay" he says wiping of her tears.

"You love me but you love her more..." She don't feel right. She know Dan more than Dan know himself. "You're a good guy and of course you want to make things right with me. I know you won't cheat on me but I don't feel right in locking you up with me"

"Locking?..." He shakes his head "I want to be with you"

"You don't!" She says and actually have the courage to smile. "I'm afraid I got to do what I have to do..."

"Seriously, this is ridiculous" he says don't want to hear what she have to say because he knows what's going to happen.

"I love you but I'm letting you go... And let me be the first to go"

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Hi everyone, sorry it took me this long to update this. here it goes. I am still searching for a beta reader to help me with the story editing.

Thanks for reading. have fun. it's short but it's something.


	16. Chapter 16

**6 months later...**

The world has good crazy. People are killing each other every single day, new deceases being discovered almost every day too and of course... how can we forget, Christmas is around the corner when now... after Halloween in New York, decorations and everything Christmas will be plastered all over town. The world has good extreme with consumerism!

Serena just closed a deal with a new Green building on the Upper East Side and wanted to do some shopping. Since Barney's of New York is not that far from where she is now. It would be perfect for her to clear her head. Serena had to rub her eyes when she sees a sign of "30% of on Pre CHRISTMAS scarf's", it's not even Thanksgiving! Christmas trees, Christmas background music and all that jazz. She goes straight to the perfume section.

"Hi There, what can I help you today?" a lovely, chippy and mid 20st girl greeted Serena with the generic sales person line.

"I am just looking..." she smile and sprayed herself with the new Dolce and Gabbana perfume "hmmm..."

"It's famous now"

"I don't know..." she thinks. It's not really her smell but she could get it for Blair since it's more flowery and citcusy to it. She's thinking.

"I think I will get it for a friend... i will take it" she smile again and hoping Blair will love her gift.

"Want me to wrap this for you? Festive wrap?"

"Oh... it's okay" she decline politely.

"I will put this at the counter for you." writing down on a piece of paper "and your name?"

"Serena... Van Der Woodsen" she smiles and wondering if she should get something for Vanessa and Olivia too. Well, she can get it from the other section. This success is their success too and they should be rewarded with it.

"Okay, I will put it by the counter 2 and when you are ready, you can just go ahead there and pay"

Serena smile and leave the perfume section feeling satisfied. She's so happy and she can't think of a better thing to do than to shop. "God, New York City is amazing" she said to herself. There's no other places in the world that she feels connected more than NYC.

She walks past the men's section and somehow she feels as though she's been there before. Maybe it's for Nate.

As she was browsing the Ralph Lauren's section for men, she survey herself at the mirror. Well, there's a lot of mirrors and one can't help but to check her outfit once in a while. Serena's hair is still long and glossy, though not as bright as years ago. She's wearing her white pants with a black sweater. She's been casual since she left Nate - Okay, sad story is she still thinks that Nate is still hoping Serena would come back. To him, it's a temporary thing!

You see, Serena might not be with the most gorgeous guy in New York City or gracing a company that's monopoly by male bosses. She's happy! She hasn't been so alive, she's been so peaceful and taking things slowly as she remembering life the way it should be remembered. She also take notes on everything. I guess, you can say that she's paranoid! who can blame her.

Sometimes Serena have to pinch herself, her business has sky rocketed as well since she left her job. Yes of course, there's ups and downs and people always keep on telling her how crazy it is to open a company in New York City when everyone only wants what they want.

Just like what Blair always say "life is about taking chances and to look forward". Moving forward has always been on her mind but somehow, things are not that easy. She sometimes wonder of how things would be life if she would just stop the cab when she can and just tell Dan of how much she really want to start it slow with him again.

"Sigh!" with that she's back looking at herself in the mirror. Back to reality!

* * *

Hi -

Sorry that i've been MIA! I am determined to end this story soon. I will have two chapters after this as it was part of my writing plan (I know because I have my old notebook with ideas).

PS: **Beta Writers/Readers** -** I need you**. please message me! I want to make the finale chapter as readable as possible to everyone.


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